I think the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group are interesting.

hi... you no there is a lot of peopl that wants to give me advice and stuf about my deshishins... an i think it is real cute wen peopl do that. be case i make deshishins real good for america... an i am a real strong leder wich means that i do what i think is rite... and if peopl tell me diffrunt then i dont lissen be cause that mean i am real resloot.

now ther is this groop that my dad set up... wich is suposed to give me some adise about iraq...

an i rememmer wen i went to sit with them a spell... an talk about free dom... an i tole them that i am gonna keep us over there in iraq until we had total victry... an i dint want to here any cut an run talk... an i waved my wisky botle at them so they culd see i meen bisinss...

now my aids have tole me that.. they have reeched there conclushins... an so i sed that is real innerestin... so i ask them to breef me on it... an they give me this real big book... and im like.. i am not readin all this stuf... i tole them to give me the gist of it... in like one or too sentinses...

so they tole me that... they want me to stay the corse... but i am suposed to talk to iran...

well... i like the stay the corse part... but i am not gonna talk to iran... thye are the enimy and they do not like freedum.... so i am not talkin to them... escshep if they are gonna surrener... if they are gonna surrenener then i am gonna except there surenner... but the stay the corse part i the part that i like real good... an that is gonna be are victery plan.

bye for now

I am a great strategic thinker.

hi... you no that i am the ferst m b a presidint... an i remmer businiss scool... i used ta sit in the back row and make wise craks... be caues i am not the kinda guy who is a studier i am a do er... i dont like thinkin too mush about it be cause... i am gided by my gut and what my gut tells me about my prinsibles and beleifs... an i like to take bold acshin to get my prioritys...

like wen i was in the oil bisniss... i had my own compiny and there was lots of investers that we had... an there was this... big feild in texas were there wasnt any oilwells... an i sead... look at that we are gonna drill a lot of oil wells in there... so we can get the oil out.

an some fancy experts... geoligists and stuff... saed that theres no oil in that land... an i sead... hey tubby... wen i was in scool i use to beat up guys like your for there lunch money... now you go drill me those wells...

now i dont rememmer how the wells turned out... but we sold the compiny to the saudis for.. like.. ten times wat it was worth... heh heh... that proves wat a good bisnis man i am... an i am a real good presidint too.

bye for now

I had a nice meeting with the Speaker-Elect.

hi... you no i had a real nice lunch with the new congriss lady... nansy pelosy i call her nansy pansy... an we talked about freedom an the prioritis that america has... be cause one thing that i have laerned is... that wen you have an elecshin and it is over... then you for get all about it an you have got to start doin what you think is rite for america...

she tole me that she has got a agenda for america... i think that is real cute... an i tole her that we are gonna be workin on given me more power... be cause i do not have enouf yet to keep america safe with... an that she is gona obey my demans or i am gonna inflict her good... an i think i got the mesige that i am the comander aroun here... an i espect them to work with me on my bipartisin ajenda... an that i dont expect any one to qweshtin my decishins...

so it was a real good elechsin.

bye for now

p s i supose you herd about rummy... well... we desided that if the dem o crat party won that... we were gonna get rid of rummy... dick was begin me to keep rummy be cause they are gonna go after him next... well... i was jest gettin sick of all the pukin and suiside atempts rummy was doin... it was funny at first but then it started gettin kinda old...

an this new guy... bob gates i call him mr bob... i do not like this new guy... he is one of the guys that work for my dad... an i do not want him comin around telin me wat to do in iraq i no how to make fredom real good. bye

No one could predict that the Democrats would win.

hi... you no it was another real good elecshin day for me... my aids took me down to cast my ballit... and wen i look at it i sed... hey... were is my name... be cause my name was not on it. and my aids said that it was not on there be cause... i am doin sush a good job bein presidint that they did not want to put meon the ballit... and i was re electid unanimushly. an that is real good for america be cause i am the one that baby jesus talks to...

now it is up real long past my bed time... but i think i herd some one sayin that the dem o crat party has won the elechin... well... no one culd have perdicted that... we were thinkin that we were gonna pick up... like... ten or twenny seats be cause of the real good job i do pertectin the contry... an i aksed karl if we were gonna lose the eleschin.. an he saed no way... and i asked tony snow... an dick... an rummy... an they all think we are gonna win real big... and we are not gonna let the dem o crat party steel the elecshin.

well any way... i am not escared of congriss... we are gonna keep doin wat we want... an if you tried any thing funny i wold just take the power away... be cause of the war... ha ha i cant lose... and so tomorow i am gonna demand yer uncondishinal surenner to dear leader...

bye for now

We will prevail.

hi... you no i am flyin all over the contry to get the eleshins out... and wen i do that it feels like i am a grate comander flyin out to the batel field to see the damage of owr victery... an my aids have bin flyin me to the batel ground states... like nebraska an kansas... an idaho... i da ho... heh heh...

yeah i like it... and the crouds are real inthus i astick wen i go out there to bash the dem o crat party... the crouds are real small tho... my aids have bein tellin me that is be cause all the voters are at home restin... so they can come out on the eleshin day and vote real hard for the republicins... so it is a good thing that the crouds are real small...

now i here some peopl... are gettin woried about the elecshins... well... my aids tole me that i am gonna be re electid for sure... an i am still gonna be presidint... so i can rule the contry with executiv orders and stuff like that... and demand every ones obedieence.

an that is good be cause we do not wanna change the corse we are on... wich is a real good victery corse for america... an all congriss can do is pass laws an stuff wich i dont have to folow be cause there is a war goin on... an i need to have my war powers in tackt so i can keep america safe... no body can argew with that.

bye for now

We're going to brazen it out.

hi... you no i have bin travelin all over this grate contry to go to the eleschins... an i am gonna win the eleshin be cause of my real good leader ship... america nows that i am the only one that is bold and resoloot enouf to keep them safe... be cause i go on the ofensive and never change my mine about it no mater what happins next... that is what a real stron leader like me does.

now i have got real good aids helpin me... dick... an rummy... and they are doin a real good job... manigin all the wars.. an they are gonna stay on as long as i am in offise.

i no that some uppity peple are sayin... opine ing... that i shold get rid of rummy... well... i am not gonna do that... be cause i did not make any mistakes... an dick tole me that... if rummy goes then they will go after him next... and that is what the terorists want... they are puttin these real bad picshures on the t v screen to make it look lik... like we are losin the war... but we are not it is all to inflinse the elechsins... an you are all juest helpin the terorists get what they want...

i have bein sayin that if we lose this war we are in real big troubl... so that proves we will win it... the only way to lose is to get out of the sitschuation be fore we win it. an that is jest waht the terorists want... they are atackin us so we will leve there contry... well we are not gonna leave it... an that is how we win...

now ther are some people... dem o crat party... who want us to pull out be fore the job is done... well... wat are you a dummy... why do the dem o crats love terorists so much... they do not unnerstan the threat... wich will get real emboldined if we do not stay in there... on teh ofensive.

look every body new this was gonna hapen... be cause this al ways happens with a war they take a whole bunch of years... we have gotta stay in iraq until it can stick togeter and defend it self from forin fiters... you saw how easy it was to invade it... it took us like... three weeks... they have got to get there act togeter over there... and we have to stay as long as it takes... and we will... some fushure pres i dent is gonna pull out of iraq... be cause i shure as shit am not gonna do it... un less we win real soon... wich i cant say for shure...

be cause we did not antispiate the dificulty... so you cant blame us for not nowin this wold happen... no body new so how can you blame us god dam it..

bye for now

I will keep a high profile.

hi... you no i believe a lot of things... and on of the things that i be lieve is that... it is real importint for me to keep remindin america... that i am keepin them safe... be cause there hasnot been any atacks since 9 11... an peopl mite get the idea that they are safe... well... we are not safe... ... we are safer... but not safe yit... see...

so i have started the big war of my generrashin... be cause the twenny first senchury is gonna be a real big war... aginst the extremist islams that like to kill the innosints... and we hvae to keep fitin it and fitin it un til we will pre vail... so i have left my mark on the senshury all reddy.

an i have givin my orders for great big picshures of me to be put up in evry town skware... and all the govermint bildins too... an... i am gonna have my suporters do parades and stuff... with the big picshures of me... so peopl of america are gonna be reminded of me and how i keep them safe...

bye for now... and you beter put a pichsure of me up in yore house too... bye

We will win the elections.

hi... you no i sure do like my job as presidint... it is my job to keep america safe... by tellin peopl what i think and not lettin any body say no... they have to do it... be cuase that is the sistim we have here in america... and it is a real good sistem.

there are some peopl... who want to influinse my desishins... an i think it is real cute wen they do that... but it is not cute if they are dis loyil and are tryin to get out of folowin my orders... be cause that is not good for america.

now we have got a eleshin comin up in... two or three months... an i am lookin forward to it... be cause i do eleshins real good. an i diserve to be elected agin be cause i do a real good job at keepin america safe... an i dont let any body say no to my desishins wich is waat a real strong leader like me does.

and i promiss the american peoiple... that if they elect me agin... i will find out who started that war in iraq... i am pretty shure it was bill clintin... but wen i get re electid i will have more time to find the mistery out... an i am gonna call the mistery machine... scooby scooby doo were are you ha ha i shure love that show...

any way you better suport my elecshins or may be i will quit keepin america safe so much... an the terorists will get you. an i am just gonna laff be cause you did not suport me hard enouf. so you bettr get out their and vote the strait repblicin tickit or i will inflict you real bad.

bye for now

My strategy is to win.

hi... you no one thing about bein presidint is that a lot of peopl want to meet with me... and i like meetin with them be cause it is a real great onor to meet me and... i like that.

so today i was playin my video game wen rummy and a couple of genrals wanted to meet with me... and i sed ok genrals hows it hangin... and they saed we had to talk about iraq... and i like talkin about it be cause it shows how i am a real good war leader...

so the genral saed remmemmer wen we were talkin about bag dad... and how we have gotta take the city... and i dint rememmer but anyway... he saed that we failed to take it... an that the operashin has hit the wall... an that the citys were we pull the troops from for the bag dad operashin are startin to fall to the insergincy... and we need more troops... but we dont have any moer so he is recomendin that we start pullin out... be cause there is no point any more.

an i sed wat about the iraqi army we are standin up... and the other genril that was there sed that it is gonna take twenny years or more to stand it up and there is no way it is gonna work... that we have got to get out...

so i tole them not to worry... be cause makin freedom is real hard... an some times wars are gonna go on for... like two or three years... so we have just gotta have the pashinse and we will win be cause that is my stratigy for iraq... and i am determind to see it thru even if i am the only won who thinks we are winnin... and rummy started cryin...

it is my legisy to the american peopl that there is not gonna be any tirany any more... an we are gonna win...

bye for now

p s there is some people that is worried about the elecshins... but i am not woried be cause we are gonna win them too... and any way i took all the power away from congriess any way so who cares about the elecshins...

We didn't know.

hi... sorry about the no posts in a while but i am real bissy workin on the re elecshin. and it is gonna go real good. we are gonna win on nashinil security... be cause we do a real good job makin america safe... and the dem o crats are real week and thay want a bunch of laws and stuff to pertect the terrorsits with... so they can hert our familys and stuff... ha ha they are big dummys for going for that...

an we are gonna be talkin about all the progres we are maikin in iraq... and how none of this is our falt...

see it was suposed to be real easy to take over the contry we did not no how hard it was gonna be... so you cant blame us.

see the thing is we dindt now that the insurginsy was gonna be so hard. i was just talkin about it with my aids... and i said did any buddy no how hard the insurgincy was gonna be... and karl said he didn't no.. and condi she didnt no either... and dick cheny... my vice presidint... he dindt no... and rummy saed that no body new. and i said thats wat i thought... see it was totally unpredicitible.. so it is not owr falt that we did not get ready for the insergency...

an besides even if we did no about the insergensy.. we were gonna invade anyway... be cause iraq was gonna attak us anyway with the w m d so we cold not wait a damn minnit... we had to take out sadam be fore he blew up the twin towers agin with his w m d...

now there wasnt any w m d there... but that is not my falt... see the c i a tricked us they said there was some there... first they were like we dont know... we saed are you shure are you shure... an then they started given us the rite reports... so you see there was no choise we had to attack...

and i wold do it agin... even if i new that ther was no w m d there.... be cause spreadin freedom is real importint to keep ing us safe... see the terrorist are real mad at us be cause they live in a real bad regiem and it makes em hate our freedom... so we have got to change there regiem so it is a democrisy... and they will lern to like fredom and stuff and wont be so mad to attack us all the time... do you think we shold not be attakin those people... well you are a real dummy if yo do think that... be cause that is wat the terorist want you to think...

they want you to think i made a real big mistaek... so you better stop thinkin that... be cause i did not make a mistaek... and you are helpin the terorist with all your kweshtins...

it is all a bunch of cut and run second gessing... so you better stop secind gessing me or i will inflict you good...

bye for now

The Path To 9/11

hi... you no it is al most 9 11... which is a real busy time of year aroun the white house... be cause we have gotta get ready for the aniversery... and even tho it happined... three or four years ago... i rememmer it real good...

i rememmer wen the supreme court called me and said that i won the cort case against al gore and i wold be the next presidint... they put me for like two or three weeks in a room with my aids... who were gonnta tel me all about the forin policy...

they tole me that i had to atack iraq as soon as possible.. be cause sadam is a real bad man.. he gased his own peopl and stuff... and tried to kill my daddy.. plus they got a lot of oil and stuff that we need... and they are real week and they cant protect them seves from the us mitieary forces...

now that evil man slicky bill clintin... i had to meet with him too... and i dint pay him any attenshin be cause he is a real bad man who disgrased the presidincy... he says he tole me about al kayda... but i diesagree with that... be cause i dont remmember him talkin about al kayda an terorism...

an there was some of my aids... that said a terorist atack might even be good for the contry... be cause it wold give us the excyuse to attack iraq... now i dont no if i ever decided that... myself... but we dint do much about terrorism.

now the cia... dam they were always after me about the dam terorism... an i got tired of hearin it... this one time they botherd me on my vacashin... this was in augist 01... and this skinny anilist guy was briefin me... and i said ok you covered yer skinny ass... and i went bike ridin...

any way wen the atack came... we was all real surprised... we wer not expectin any attack so big... an i rememmer it real good that was the story about the goat... heh heh that was a real good story.

but it was a real sad day for amierica... an we decided real fast there wasnt gonna be any investigashins...

but then there was that dam comisshin... and i put my foot down real hard and saed that there wasnt gonna be no investigashins... but they had it any way... and we were real conserned about gettin supeenas... an i said i dont have to go along with this be cause i am the dam president... what is the use of bein the damn presidint if i have to testify...

so they sent me over to have a visit with the comishin... just to sit down an talk a spell... an we made shure no public and no camras... an they sent me down there with my vise presidint... dick cheny... to make shure that i new the answers real good.

now i here they made a movie about it... it is called the Path to 9/11 and it is gonna be on saterday and sun day too... and we have got a copy of it and they make it real clear... bill clintin didnt kill bin ladin when he had a real good chance... so it is all his falt.... ha ha i win again...

any way your dear leader wants you to wach Path to 9/11 on ABC because it is gonna be a real good tv show....

bye for now

America is safer, but not yet safe.

hi... you no lately i have been meetin with a lot of yur o peans... heh heh... i remmemmer this one time i was getting briefed by my aids to meet with some yur o peans.... an i said condi say yur a pean... and she said yur a pean... an i said i no thats why my boots is so wet... heh heh yeah i love that joke.

that remines me of the time i had to take a test... you no my family is real importent in the contry... my dad was presidint and stuff... but not every famliy memmer is ready for public servise... so they make us take a test to see if we are ready for it... if you dont pass the test then you have to work in the famly businiss... and the test is that they give you a boot full of pee and you have to get it out... an i passed the test but it was real hard it took me two tries... the first time i just put the boot on and walked aroun... and let the pee come out the top... an it worked ok but it got my socks wet... an my dad was there an he said try it again son... and he made this hand moshin like he was turnin a boot over... be cause the trick is you gotta turn the boot over and all the pee pores out the top of it... so i got it on the second try... an i was real glad because that way i could be presidint...

an it is real fun bein presidint... it is a real big onner for peopl to meet me that have to be real respecful and stuff... and they say a presidint is suppose to talk real sofisticated... but i do wat i want... i like to play tricks and jokes on the peopl who i meet...

like wen i meet some new aids... i always get off a big fart... and they have to smell it be cause i am presidint... heh heh... this one time wen i was meetin the presidint of japan... mr hoochie koochie... i was meetin him and he went to shake my hand... and wen he shook it i got off a real big fart... heh heh you sholda seen his face... and he had to smell it because i am the leader of the world... heh heh is sure is fun bein the presidint.

bye for now

ps dont worry about the elecshins we are gonna scare every one real good with the terrorism... an they will vote for us be cause they are so scared... and we will have our power for a bunch more years... bye

I will not cut and run from Iraq.

hi... you no i am real mad rite now... be cause i herd that my genrals were sayin... that iraq mite go into a sivil war... and that makes me real mad... be cause things is gettin better over there all the time.. so why are they talkin about civil war.

so i had a big meetin with them... and rummy and a bunch of other peopl... and i was real mad... and i tole them i dont want to here any more sivil war talk...

and the genrals tole me that if there is a civil war we are gonna have to pull out of the contry... and i started yellin real lowd... be cause that is cut and run talk.. and i am not gonna cut an run from iraq i am gonna win the war... so i gave them there orders... they have to stay over there until we win it... an if it is a civil war then god dam it we have to win the sivil war... and i am not gonna take any excuses...

an they all just looked at me like i was crasy... i did not even get a yes mr presidint... and i got up and left the room...

it makes me real mad wen my genrals are dis loyal to there dear leader... they have got to follow orders and that is that... it is the kind of leader ship that i provide... that says go win it... an i dont care if it dont look realistic... be cause i have a real good vishin for the world of no terany any where and i am usin my mightly military power to make it happen...

an i dont like it wen peoiple look at me like i am crazy... i am not crasy and i never make a mistaek... that is wat makes me a real good leader for america...

bye for now and follow yer dear leaders orders real good

I enjoy summer vacation.

hi... you no i am real blessed to be presidint... it is the perfict job for me be cause i am real decisive with my deshishins... an you get to take all the vacashins you want... except this year they tole me... i was gonna have a real short vacashin.. so i can work more to keep the power for the republicin party... so i have to go to funraisers and stuff...

but i like my vacashins... this one time... wen i was home for the summer... i gess i was about sixtene... i was out on the gulf with my frend grady... on his dads boat... he had a real nice seventity two footer... and we was out there drinkin beers... and he come out with this cocane and said i shold try it...

so i did... and it made me feel like i cold be president... ha ha now look at me... an grady is a vise president at his dads company...

i am not sayin it is for evey one... be cause it can hert your brain... and i did enouf coke to run the winner alimpics on... so i am real lucky it did not effect my brain sells too.

now i dont do the cocane any more so i can keep my brain sells real good for makin good deshishns for america... and they test me twise a week to see if i have bin takin it...

any way thats all i have for today... bye for now

Dear Leader has a special guest blogger today.

Hi, Karl Rove here. When Dear Leader asked me to "guest blog" for him because he was busy with a new video game, I had no damned idea what he was talking about. I had to ask my son, who is pretty good with computers.

Anyway when I saw this thing I hit the ceiling. Apparently he's been "blogging" since Spring of '05. Nobody in OPOTUS had a clue he was doing it. After all the time we spend training him to stay on message, he was saying anything he wanted... the drinking, internal White House conversations, it's all on here. I was ready to spring into full-on disaster mode when I checked the stats, and it turns out nobody reads this thing.

Which is good because we really don't need an eruption of bad news right now. We do a great job keeping him sheltered from things that might upset him, but it's starting to get through that he really screwed the pooch on Iraq. Just the other day he was asking me if Baby Jesus was still going to let him into Heaven, and of course I told him it was all right, but it's really starting to become a problem politcally. According to our internal polling the only demo that still believes in Dear Leader is white evangelicals who live in manufactured housing. Which is fine, we can maintain our grip on power with just those people. We'll just do what we always do, which is smear the Democrats as weak faggots who can't be trusted to keep us safe. And we'll threaten more terrorists attacks if the Dems win.

Well, anyway, that's my "guest blog." I guess it's a good outlet for him, we'll let him keep doing it.

P.S. We have been assuming Dear Leader operates on a ninth-grade level, but I think we're going to have to dial it down a bit more.

I had a nice visit with the new Prime Minister of Iraq.

hi... you no i like it when forn leaders come to washin ton... to set a spell and talk about freedom an stuff... wich they do be cause i am so good at it. and this week it was the presidint of iraq... maliki i call him leaky maliki...

any way he was sayin how bad the security sichuation was over there... how he dont even control his own capitol... and he was real worid. so i sed leeky.. things is gettin better over there all the time so dont wory... we have got enuf force to deal with the circim stanses over there.

and he was beggn for more troops to keep the security in bag dad... so i tole him it was up to the comanders on the groun... be cause i am the leader with the big vishin for fredom i leve the deteails up to the grownd comanders...

and he said he didnt want to go back to bag dad and he could run the gover mint from washin ton... and he was beggin me to let him stay an not send him back... and i tole him he has to go back so he can fite the insergensy be cause i was sure as shit not gonna do it.

so it as a real nice visit i had.

bye for now.

ps i got a briefin from teh grown commandr over there that we dont have no more reserves so we are jest gonna move troops over from some other part of iraq... an then he started pukin... dam them pennagon people sure like pukin... bye

Freedom is on the march.

hi... i have got a messige for all the dick taters and teroirists out there... i am ready to exsept your un con dishinal surrender. be cause they are all real scared that i have got fredom on the march under my real good leader ship... it is marchin in iraq and in isreal too... and the dick taters is all real scared of all the sucsess my polisies are havin... so they better surender or i will liberate them real good.

now they say that wars kill peopl and stuff... and that makes it bad. well... it is real hard to make demo crasy.. and wen a contry gets it there is bombs goin off and stuff... and peopl die but it is real good be cause that is wat makes freedom... we are gona keep fitin the war until all the tirrany is gone... that is just the birth pains of fredom... and i give birth to freedom real good.

bye for now

We are making progress in Iraq.

hi... you no i like talkin to the comanders on the groun over there... in iraq... about all the progress that is goin on... and i was talkin to them today and they say that an they say that attacks in the capital is up forty persent...

now i no that sume of you think... after three years of fitin that we should be controllin the capital by now... well... if you think that then you are just a silly dreamer... who wants a perfict world... well it is not a perfict world...

we are makin progress over there... but it is not the kind were you win militarily it is a difrent kind of progres... called incri mental progress... wher we just kinda keep a lid on things until the new govermint is ready to take over.... and that is gonna be real soon i am not gonna say when... be cause there never was a war that you win on a time table... and you just wait be cause evenshually iraq is gonna be a real good peaseful demo crasy and there is no way to stop it... and i am gonna take credit for it wen it happens... but it mite not hapen in our life times... so every one rememmer that it was me who started all this... so you can give me credit later on... in the histry books.

bye for now

I am meeting with foreign leaders.

hi... you no i have bin over here in yerp for the v8 confrinse... it is part of my job as presidint to meet with forn leaders... and i like meetin with them be cause they have to look up to me... there contry is always smaller that america and not as good... and they look to me for leader ship... and that always makes the day real good when i can come in and show wat a real good leader i am...

well... lately when i meet with a forin leader they act all snooty... like there is somethin funny goin on and they are not lettin me in on the joke... and it gets real irritatin...

like wen i met putin at the v8... he is the presidint of rushia and i call him pooty poot... my aids have been tellin me he is gettin to mush power over there... and they need more democrisy... which i am real good at... so i tole him that democrasy is on the march... like it is in iraq... and he better be gettin a real good democrasy too... and pooty poot said... he dosent want a demo crasy like iraq... and every one laffed... and this was in front of the cameras too...

boy that shure is irritatin... i think i am gona libberate rushia like i did with iraq... an i will show him who is the demo crasy leader aroun here...

This is the day we celebrate our freedom.

well it is the forth of july agin... and the hole contry has a big party for me... be cause i am presidint. and i get fire works and stuff... and big plains fly over and... it is fun... i like bein presidint...

now i rememmer wen they tole me we beet al gore in cort and that i was the presidint now... i had a big meetin with dick cheny and a bunch of aids... an they tole me about there plan for a real strong executive... that i wold have all the power...

an wen 9 11 happined... well... that was all the excuse we needed to seze the power... so america can be safe... and no one can stand aginst that...

any way i had this dreeam last nite... there was these guys... thousans of em... who were wearin real funny clothes like in olden times.... and some of em had wigs... some of em had these triangle hats on... and lots of em was caryin these old rifles... and lots of em was woonded... some of em was carryin there own heds... or had a rope aroun there neck... and they all looked real mad and they started yellin at me... and i could not here wat they was sayin... but i think they was sayin yer doin a real good job...

heh heh any way it is time for me to get redy for the big forth of july party... bye for now.

I am showing leadership on the world stage.

hi... you no i bein goin all around the world... talkin to forin leaders about freedom and stuf... an they apreshiate me tellin them my opinyins... to help them be better contries...

but it is real funny... every were i go i heare this sound... that sounds like peopl sayin fuck you...

well... i dont have to be talked to that way be cause i am a real good leader for the coalishin...

see... wen there is a deshishin to be made i dont study it real hard... i jest make up my mind real fast... and then i never ever change it... and the more peopl tell me to change it the more i dont change it.... and that is waht a real good leader does. and it proves i am real smart and i never make a mistaek.

now i no some peopl dont agree with my deshishin to invade iraq... they think freedom is real bad... and we shuld surrenner to the terrorist... well i disagree with that... and under my leader ship we are gonna win total victery... so you better start talkin real respec full to yer dear leader and stop sayin fuck you... or i will inflict you...

bye for now

I honor the sacrifices of our young men and women overseas.

hi... you no i had a real good day yestiday... most of my days are good but yestiday was real good... it was gettin near my morning exsherise break and... they sed i was gonna be joggin with a soljier... that was fitin for freedim in iraq... and that he was a real speshil soljier and i wasnt suppose to stare or anything just be real respectful...

and i went out to the jogin track i have... and there was this soljier there with hooks for legs...

so i tole him his new name was sargint gimpy... and i sed hey sargint gimpy lets see if you can keep up with me... and i lapped him twice... those army guys think they are so touf but they are not too touf as Me... and so it was a real good day.

bye for now.

I am committed to saving Social Security for our elderly people.

hi... so do you remmemer when i fixed the soshil security last year... well... i am gettin ready to fix it agin. be cause i am gonna keep fixin soshil security until it is fixed real good... and sencse there is an eleschin comin up i figgered it is a real good time to start talkin about the soshil security agin... i just gave a speach about it to a bunch of big shots from my party... and they all got real pail and said it was a real good idea... and one of em started pukin... how come there is all these people pukin lately...

any way i want to talk to the peopl about the soshin security but all any one wants to talk about is iraq... do we have a plan and when are we gonna win and stuff...

well... we do so have a plan... and it is a real good plan... we havent won yet but we are winnin... and i am not gonna ta tell you when we are gonna win be cause that is just gonna incurige the terrorists...

an sayin we scrwed up the war is incurgin them too... how come you want to incurige them so much... you better stop it... or i will inflict you.

bye for now

I am visiting our European allies.

hi... you no i am over here in yurip rite now... talkin to people about freedom and stuff... and the need to fite terror after 9 11.

but it is real agravatin to come over hear... and be asked qweshtins by a bunch of yuro faggit reporters... that dont no how to ask real good qweshtins like a am erican reporters do... about how my faith keeps me strong wich makes me a real good leader for america.

they were askin me about gwan tommino and i sead... look... it is all full of real bad killers... an i would close it down but i am waitin for the cort judges to tell me... i cant do any thing without the cort judge.

an they was askin a bunch about why the world is seein us as the big thret in the world... and that got me real mad... we are not thretinin any one we are spreadin freedom... and spreadin freedom is real hard work... and it is hard be cause of the insergints that is killin innosints be cause they hate freedom so much. an that is how we are winnin the war on terrar.

any way these yuros better git the picshure real quick be cause it is makin me mad when they qweshtin my decisins.

bye from yurip

We will not cut and run from Iraq.

hi... you no there are some peopl... dem o crats... who want us to surenner to the terirists in iraq ... and cut and run... and leave our new iraqi allies to the terrirists...

well... we are gonna stay in iraq as long as i am president and the republicins control the congress... be cause we have lerned the lessins of vietnam... wich is you dont leave until you win... if you are losin just dont leave... that way you dont lose... and that is how i am leadin america to victery in iraq... so they have to stay over there untill they win it.

an i no the lessins real good be cause i was involved in that con flicked... i was flyin in a trainer in the nashinal gard... and this one time i went in for the pre flite check up and i was real hung over from the nite before... and the flite surgin takes one look at me and he says... son there is no way i am lettin you in a plane today... ha ha... so i got out of flyin that day and i got to party on the base all day... and i got lots more stories like that i will tell you some time.

bye for now.

America will support the new Iraqi government.

hi... you no i just was over in bag dad... i snuck into the contry so it wold be a suprise for the new iraq leader... who i call leeky maleeky

any way he look real suprised to see me... and i said hey leeky i am here to look at you in the eye and say taht everything bad that happins from now on is yer falt... now that you are a govermint. be cause the govermint is responsible for what happens not me...

be cause we are lowerin the expetashins of what we are gonna acomplish over there... if this govermint is still aroun in six months then it was a real good victory for freedom... so i am gonna keep the troops over their so they can see all the freedom i made.

and i said i wanned to see the statue of me.. that they put up in thanks for there liberation... and they saed it wasnt ready yet...

so i hope some day... i can go over to iraq and see the statue of me that they are buildin... and i bet it is gonna be a real big statue by the time that they are done buldin it.

bye for now

We have reached a turning point.

hi... sorry about the no thots in a while but i have bin real busy.... jon ashcroft was visitin me in my basement room and he shoed me where they have pornos on the internets... they got mijit porn... donnkey porn... and any thin else you could want...

any way i am up here in camp david for the week end... and i am with my real smart advisers dick and don... and condy... and a bunch of ot her real smart adversers... and we are figurin out what is goin on in iraq... and havin real good stratigy seshins.

be cause i have bin waitn for my commanders on the groun to tell me they won the war but they have not tole me that yet... so we are figgerin out a real good stratigy to win the war.

now this one aid... he said maybe we could start to pull out in 2008.... and don looked down at some papers he had an started pukin... dam that guy better see a dam docter be cause he is the biggist meetin puker around the wite house...

bye for now from camp david

I will stay the course I have set for America.

hi... peopl keep askin me about the polls... and why they are so low. well... people is unsetled be cause of the war... war is real sower... and be causue it is a time of war it just makes thhe peopole unsettled... cant do any thing about that it is just the way it is with the war times.

and so it doesnt have any thing to do with me... i am doin a real good job... i extendidd my tax cuts and the stock markit is doin reael good... but no won wants to talk about that... they want to talk abaout the war... and all that war talk... it is makin the peopl sowr wen... wen they shold be thankin me real good.

and we are not gonna fail... in the war be cause we are gonna stay in their until we win... and we aint won it yet but the progres is gettin real good. evrey day it gets beter over their.

bye for now

I have a plan to stop illegal immigration.

hi... you no it is part of my job to talk to world leaders... an i like talkin to world leaders... it is an importent job be cause there contry is always smaller and not as good as america... and they want to kno my opinyins so they can be like us.

an i just had a real nice talk with the president of mexico... fox i call him bean buddy... he was callin me be cause i have a real good plann to mass thousans of troops on the mexico border... and they aint there to hunt grownhogs... so fox was real upset about it.

so i said dont you worry bean buddy mexeco is still a reall good amigo of the u s but we dont want any more smelly beaaners imigrashins over on this side of the boarder. and the troops is to keep them out wich is my job. an he sed some thinn in spanish and hung up.

see i am real good at diplomisy. bye for now.

You must remember the lessons of September 11.

hi... you no it is my job to tell people what i thinnk and what is on my mind... and this is were i tell pepol o nthe internents wat is on my mind ritee now.

and rite now that is the elecshins. be cause we have got to keep our majority and we have a plan to do it. and it is a real good plan.

see we still have a favorible poles on terrorism... be case there have not bin any big ataks in the states since 9 11. but peopl are forgettin to be afraid of the terorism.

so we are gonna order every tv network to run the 9 11 pictures from now until the elecshin... 24 7... and then right be fore the elecshin i will jump out an comfert every one... and i will get the poles up aagainn.

bye for now

I am the decider.

hi... you no i am hearin lots of peopl who are tryin to make me channge my deshishins.. like with the war and torchure cells and spyin... and secresy a nd bribes annd stuff like that.

well i am the desider arounn here... i dont no if you notised but after 9 11 i seezed absolute power... and i dint have to ask anyone if it was ok i just seezed it... be cause of the emergincy.

and i am gonna keep my power... so i had to distroy any rivals who mite have power too... like the cia... and the congres and the media.. and the cort juges and the u n... and the sientists. and they all take orders from me now.

and you have to go a long with it be cause i am doin it to keep america safe... so you cant critisize... ha ha it shur is fun bein the desider...

bye for now

p s you cant impeech me be cause there is a war goin on... an any way i wold just take that power too... to keep america safe from the war. bye

I think my brother Jeb would make a great president.

hi... you no i have bin thinkin a lot about my legisy... and i no that the legisy i am gonna have is a world that is free and dont have any tirany... so they wont make terorists to come over here and hurt america.

and so i am gonna have a real nise presidenshil libary with places were people can set a spell and talk about freedom and stuff.

but who am i gonna leave the presidensy too... i never did sire a man child... and i would leave to jenna or the other one but... a girl can not be president... it is in the constitushin.

so who am i gonna leave it too... i think my brother jeb wold make a real good presidennt... even tho he is not real smart like me... and if he does not want it there is my brother neel... or the brother we kep locked up in the atick... yea they are all good and they will be my legisy of real good leadership for america.

bye for now.

I am not worried about the polls.

hi... you no my aids was readin the news to me today... and it says that my polls are the worst ever... well... i say that is old news... be cause they have bin sayin that for weeks and weeks now... how many time are they gonna tell that same news...

and i dont care be cause the hole contry is gonna rally around dear leader wen we start the regime change in iran... and some people are real worried that we are gonna use nucular wepins on them... well... i was talkin about it with karl... and he says the name is real scary to peopl... so we are not calin them nucular wepins any more... they are called freedom givers... and we are gonna make the iraniens so free that they glow... and then they are gonna change there regeem and people are gonna for get all about iraq be cause iran is gonna be a real good sucess for my administrashin... and the bush doctrin wich is that the peopl are gonna rally aroun there dear leader in war time.

bye fo now

I have the solution to the gas crisis.

hi... in bin hearin that there is a lot of people in the white house rite now... that are real woried about t he polss... be cause the polls has been bad f or a wile now... and karl was sayin that... he was shure... we have the time to turn it around be fore the elecshins...

but the big thing is the gas... peopl are real mad about gas goin up... and they think it is my job to give them gas...

so we were havin a big meetitn... and i said hey... why dont we just go over to the arabs and steel all their gas... they dont have armies and stuff to pertect them selves with... and we have got a real good army... so wy dont we just go over and take all the gas...

and every one smiled and said that was a real good idea... you see i have real good thots once in a wile.....

bye for now

There is no need to hold anyone accountable for Iraq.

hi... you kno i have been havin a lot of iritations lately... and one thing is that some people want me to start holdin some account ibility for iraq... and they want me to get rid of don rums feld... and dick cheney too..

well... i am not gonna do that... i do not do what peopl tell me to do i am the desider around here... and were is it gonna end huh... if we are havin acount iblity were is it gonna end.

any way there dont need to be any acount iblity for iraq be cause i believe it is all gonna turn out real good... you see i make desishins based on my beliefs... and i belive in the all mighty... and he is gonna make a miracle that turns iraq into a real pease full democrasy... and i will take credit for it. so we dont need any account ibility in my administrashin.

bye for now

I believe the national anthem should only be sung in English.

hi... you no i hered somethin the other day that made me real mad... some people are turnin the nashinal anthem into spanish. and i disagree with that. english is the languige of our contry and... i think it shold only be sung in inglish... if the immigrints want to sing the nashinal anthim then god dam it they shuld lern them some inglish... my base unnerstands that real good.

now some peopl are sain that we had this spanish singer at my inogerashin that was singin it in spanish... well... i rememmer that day real good... and wen he started singing it i got real mad and i knoked him over and i said hey you greasy immigrint you better lern some inglish real fast...

my dauter jenna tole me a joke... what is the same with immigrints and cue balls... the harder you hit em the more inglish you get out of em... ha ha that is a real funny joke... and if we have to hit the imigrints to get em stop singin the nashinal song then dammit we will. and that is my domestic polisy.

bye for now.

We have a plan to regain public support for my administration.

hi... if you are readin my thots every day then you no i am the great victery commander who is givin freedom to all the opresed people of the hole world be cause of a plan that the little god in my hart told me.

well... did you no there are some peopl who dont think i am doin a real good job... they think i am screwin up everythin and i am about the worst presidint ever... and some of em even think i am nuts.

well we have bin havin a lot of meetins here in the wite house about what is wrong with those people. and we have figgered out that we are just not comunicatin good enuf and we have to comunicate our selfs better... and we come up with a plan to fix it and it is a real good plan.

and it is two things... one is we are gonna forge real close relashin ships with the reporters who tell the truth about stuff and glorify Me. and the other reporters are gonna get arested for bein spys for the enimy. and after we arest them we will give it a couple months and if the comunicashins dont get better then we will arest more. and then every one will no who is the victery commander around here...

bye for now

Donald Rumsfeld has my total and complete confidence.

hi... sorry about the no thots in a while but we are workin real hard on the iran attack plans... and it is gonna go real good... don rumsfeld has tole me that all we need is two or three thousand troops to take over iran... if we are not afraid of winnin dirty.... and i said that is the best way to win... ha ha ha

now a lot of peopole... think that i shouold fire don rumsfeld... be cause we are losin the war and it is his responsiblity to win it. now i disagree w ith that. be cause no one new that this was gonna happen... and any way things are gettin real better over there all the time. so just shut up....

any way he is out at camp david with me this week end.... and i tole him he had my full support and he would be my secritary of defence for a real long time. and he started to cry and he grabbed a bottle and smashed it on the table and he starting stabbin him self in the neck with it... and he was screamin that i am a in human monster... and i laffed and laffed he is a real big joker around here... helps break up the tenshin of a real busy day....

bye for now.

There has been a lot of wild speculation about Iran.

hi... you kno there sure has bin a lot of speculatin about my plans fer iran... and peopl wanna know if we are gonna attak them and use nucular wepins on them.

well... i aint sayin... cause it is a secrit... but wen the elecshin time is hear people are not gonna be talkin about iraq any more... they are gonna be talkin about iran and how i gave them freedom too... and if we have to use the nucular wepins... well... why do you think we have those wepins... freedom is gods gift to the world and god wants me to give it to all the world... and i have still got a lot of time left as the victery comander to distroy all the tirany in the world... an i will too.

bye for now

My Health Savings Accounts are the medicine America needs.

hi... you no i have bin goin around the contry havin conversashinis about my plan for helth savins acouonts and it is my main domestic prioority rite now so i bet you are all talkin about it and want to no more... and why it is a real good idea.

well... you see the helth problem that we have in this contry is... that people are gettin too much helth care... for stuff they dont really need and it is gettin to be real expensive for the system.

so my plan is you pay for yoor own dam helth care with your own dam money... and that way you will quit buyin too much. so if the doctor says you need an operashin... like if you have canser or somethin and it will cost 50 thousin dollers to fix... an you dont have the money you can say no way docter i will just have the canser. so you see it is a real good plan.

bye for now

ps this thing about the leak is some bull shit... we had to stop that god dam traiter wilson from attackin our war support.. and i tole dick cheney he can do what ever he wants to dis credit wilson... and that is all what is the god dam big deal. bye

There will be many changes in my Administration.

hi you no i have got a lot of anousemints to make for today.. and one is that we are pullin out of iraq startin monday...

an from now in there is gonna be acount ability in my administrashin... so when somebody screws up real bad they are gonna get fired... and i will not tolerate incompitinse...

an from now on i am gonna follow all the laws and stuff... and the treaties too. an any body in my administrashin that has commited crimes are gonna be turned over to the police... heh heh...

and i am gonna shut down all the interrigashin centers we have aroun the world and turn em all loose... and from now on we are not gonna capsher a guy unless we have some prooof that he did somethin.

and i just submited a balinsed budgit to the congress... heh heh heh... and we are gonna re bild new orleens too...

shit i love april fools day

I will not lose Iraq.

hi... you no a lot of peopel are askin me lately... when are the troops gonna come home from iraq... well... like i said it is up to the commandners on the ground over there... i talked to em last week and they sed it was goin real good... and they have a nick name for me... commander numnuts... wich is what they call a guy in the milliarty who does a real good job.

any way i am not gonna pull the troops out until we win... that way we dont lose on my wach... if some one wants ta pull teh troops out when we are losin it is gonna hafe to be some fushure president... be cause i sure as shit am not gonna do it...

so if we win i am the grate victery commander... and if we lose it is gonna be on some other guys watch... so i win ether way ha ha see i am real smart.

bye for now.

p.s. if you are readin this jeb, dont run for president

There is a lot of good news coming out of Iraq.

hi... you no the media shuld print more stories that suport the troops... and there are a lot of them. i have a briefin every day in the white house... we call it the iraq good news briefin... and my aids come in an we taalk about all the progress we are makin over there.

like this one here... it says that elements of the 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment painted a school... and they were helped by little iraqi childern. and it says they put two coats on so you no they did a real good job....

now after the paintin... all the little iraqi chilern who help them were taken away by some guys... but... no americans was hurt.

so if you have any real good news stories about iraq pleease send them to the white house.

bye for now and go get me some real good stories

Iraq is going better than you think.

hi... you no a lot of pepole are askin me about iraq... and they are wantin reashurince that things are goin real good over there... well... it is my job as dear leader to say wat i think and talk real resinable... and i say things is goin real good excsept... the dam media likes to talk about exploshins and stuff.

like yestiday... about 60 terorists got real jelis of our fredom and attacked a polise station... well... that hapins every day over here too... but the news papers only get innerested when its over there. and i disagree with that.

an any way my aids are telin me it is too soon to juge if this is a sucess... if iraq gets a stable govermint... in like 50 or a hunnnert years.... then it will be a sucess... so shut up you juging people.

The 2006 election will be about faith and values.

hi... we are makin owr plans for the eleshin this year... dam we shure do have a lot of eleshins in this contry...

and we was gonna make it about the nashinal securiy but that is not workin out too good so it is gonna be a bout faith and values... be cause every one knos that dear leader has real good faith and values and loves baby jesus... and that is wy i all ways do real good with the evan jellicles.

so we have owr legislative ajenda... and we are gonna innerduse a law that every one has to be a cristian to get federal jobs or federal money... be cause the dam juews dont vote for me even wen they are rich... and the muslims for get it. and the evin jellicles are gonna love the new law.

and if that dont work we are gonna innerduse a law that every one has to neel to baby jesus at gun point... and i am gonna put it under home land security... be cause if baby jesus is mad at us... be cause we dont worship him hard enuf... well then he wont pertect us from the enemies...

lets see the dem o crats opose that legislashin... be cause they ar the party of the devil... and we ar the party of Baby Jesus and keepin america safe... that is so simpl any one can unnerstan it... an that is how i am gonna lead my party to victery over the devil.

bye for now.

There is no need for a shake up at the White House.

hi... you no i am real mad rite now... i was sittin in the ovel office thinkin up real good deshishins for america... wen i got a call from that god dam no it all james baker...

i did not talk to him i had andy do it... and andy sed he was real respectful and he was just suggestin that we could use a new blood... some one with experience... to help me make my deshishins.

well that is some bullshit... i no who sent him... and he is just jelis be cause i got re elected and i took out saddam... and i am gonna be remmered as the gratest presidient in all of history...

so there is not gonna be any shake up... everythin is goin real good... and the troops are seein lots of progress. any way i am the one god chose to lead the world to free dom... and god does not like to be mocked... so quit criticisn my deshishins or he will inflict you.

bye for now.

Iraq is not in a civil war.

hi... you no a lot of peopl are sayin that iraq is in a sivil war... well it is not... you sivil war peopl... you are readin the news too much... all they talk about is atiy hedless bodys found in the river... and stuff like that.

what you got in iraq is two sides fitin each other... the suiside bomers versis the death squads... now a lot of people are wonderen... what side are we on.... well... it aint the suiside bomers so it must be the other one. be cause they love fredom more... than the suiside bomers do.

and so we are hopin that the deth squads beete the suiside bomers before we have to pull out... and that is victery and i will not settle for any thin less than total victery... be cause i am a winner and i will lead america too victery.

bye for now

We are prepared to hold Iran accountable for its activities.

hi... you no i gave the speech agin on the war support... to get it back from the public... dam it sure was a lot easyer gettin the war support when iraq had the wmd... now it is gettin harder and harder every week.

well you no what dear leader does in a sichuashin like this... he doubles down... yea thats right we are gonna libreate anther contray... and just guess wich one... did you say iran... well you gessed rite....

iran is gonna redeem our reputashin... we are gonna do such a good job with iran that peopl will qwit blamin us for iraq... and it will be the finil proof that the bush doctrin is a real good doctrin...

and we have lernt the lessins of iraq... and they are real clear lessins...

• first thing... fine out what langwige they speek in the contry you are gonna libreate... we think they speak arbic in iran but we got someone checkin that out... and we will fine out for shure.
• and you gotta make it real claer that theres not supposed to be any civil wars and stuff... we got marines in iran rite now checkin it out and seein if there is any sexual rivelries...
• and wen we liberate a contry they gotta start lovin freedom rite away... be cause if there is too many freedom haters setting off IUDs then... it is real hard to make a new democrasy.
• you gotta have enouf troops too... at the meetin i asked rummy how many troops we are gonna need for the iran operashin... and he looks down at a peeace of paper and he says no more than 2 or 3000 troops... and then he got all pale and started pukin... there sure has been a lot of pukin around here last few weeks...

so you see we are real prepared to take ovoer iraq and then owr reputashin wil be saved... and people will see we were rite all along.

bye for now

There is still time to vote for Dear Leader!

hi... you no i have bin lookin at the votes that peopl are castin for the kofax award... for most humerius blog... and i am not seein a lot of votes for dear leader... so i tole them to hold the vote open another day... so my loyil followers can vote for me...

so click through to this link and leave a comment at the bottom that says "dear leader"...

http://wampum.wabanaki.net/vault/2006/02/002353.html

votin is open until midnite monday...

and if you dont vote i am gonna inflict you but good... bye for now.

We are the permanent majority party.

hi... you no i am hearin a lot of peple in my party... are worrien about the poles... and they are worrien about how we are gonna maintain owr grip on powoer when the poles is so bad we dont have the public suport...

well... i do not worry about poles.. be cause i unnerstan the american system... an it is a real good system...

you dont need public support to have power you jest need to win the eleshin... and it is real easy to win an elshin all you do is dis credit the other guy and that is real easy to do when you have suporters all over the media.. and we have the suppoerters.

and any way we have the power now and we can use it to keep owr grip on power... theres a whole bunch of tricks and stuff we aint even used yet but we will if we have to.

so dont worry we are gonna rain for a thousan years.... no matter wat the pole say. bye for now

Vote for Dear Leader!

hi... you no my blog here has bin nominated for a wampum award... and i command you to go vote for me for most humeris blog... click on this link

http://wampum.wabanaki.net/vault/2006/02/002353.html

and then leave a comment sayin dear leaders daily thought.... and yuo better do it or i will inflict you...

bye for now

Hindsight is not wisdom.

you no there is a lot of people critisin my deshinshns about iraq... well that is just hine site... and that is not fair wen you look at what happined... and i rememmer it real good.

america got attacked on 9 11.. be cause clinton did not defend america... so the people got real mad at clinton and impeeched him for it and they picked me to be the new leader... be cause i am real bold and i make real good deshishins.

now iraq attacked us because... they didnt have an army and stuff to fite the terrorists with... and they were havin a civl war... and that made them hate our freedum so they attacked us...

so i said hey we gotta go over there and stop that civil war and stand up an army so they can fite the terrorists... and then that way they wont hate owr freedom any more and they wont blow up world trade ceter again... so we went over there.

now some poeple are sayin... we shuld get out of there before we finish standin up there army... well shit then wy did we go over there in the first place then... we are not leavin iraq until thay have a real good army to fite the terorists with so america can be safe... and i am the commander so you have to do what i say i dont even have to essplain why... you are not better then me so quit pretendin you are.

bye for now.

I had a very nice visit to India.

hi... you no i have bin having one of my trips out of the contry... and they took me to indiana and places like that. and one thing i have lerned about indiana is... it is full of little brown people and damn it sure stinks over there.

now you no how i like to liberate contriese... so wen i got there i said am i here to liberate the indians and they said india is al ready a democrasy and i said shit that was fast...

and i had to meet there new demo cratic leader... and he had a towl on his head so i said hey tonto are you one of them muslims... and he sed no so i sead you can have all the nucular weapins you want then... and he was real happey.

any way i will post more thots now that i am bak to america were it doesnt stink so dam much... bye for now from your dear leader

I demand that our ports be sold to the Arabs.

hi... you no a lot of peopl are gettin all worked up about us sellin our ports to the arabs... well i am gonna use all the presideshil powers i have to make sure the deal is gonna go throu.

now i kno i tole all you peopl to be real afraid of the arabs... and that they are attakin america with there wepins of mass distrucshin and we have to exterminate em all and distroy our constitutshin to keep us safe.

well these arabs... that we are sellin the ports to these are diferunt arabs... they are in bisnis and they are real rich. and they are not the ones to be afraid of.... who are real pore and spend all day on there nees prayin to allah and dont have any damn money.

an any way i dont no why i am essplain all this to you peopl... i am the commander and i say the deal is gonna get done i dont have to essplain anythin.

bye for now

My faith is important to me.

hi... well you no it is sun day agin so my thot for the day is about baby jesus, wich is the little god that lives in my hart an tells me to invade contries and stuff... and he tole me i am gonna rule at his rite hand after the beest with sevin heds rises up out of the oshin.... and that is what makes me infaliable wich means i never make a mistaek.

an some times i get so happy thinkin about baby jesus that i dance around the oval ofice... and this one time i was dancin so hard i spilled my drink on the british ambasider... and then i tole him we are fitin a new kind of war and thats why we have to distroy the constitushin... ha ha yea i remember that day it was a real fun day.

bye for now.

We are a nation at war.

hi... now some of you mite have heard that my vice president... dick... shot a man in the face with a shot gun... and when he got back to washingtin he cam in to essplain it... but i stopped him.

be cause owr nnation is at war... an that means me and dick can do whatever we want and we dont even have to essplain it.

now some peopl... are livin in a pre 9 11 world where the vice president cant shoot a man in the face with a shot gun... well... america is under attack. and that means there is not gonna be any essplinations or investigashins...

bye for now and keep yer head down

Iraq is free thanks to me.

hi... you kno some people are sayin that i played a real mean trick on iraq... blowen up there counry and then pullen out without given them security and eletrisity and water and food and stuff.

well, the reson we blew up there contry is to make them free not give them a lot of free stuff... they are gonna have to get there own security and stuff... and now they are free so it is time for them to get there own electrisity... and any way this has bin a lot more expensive then we thout and we are not gonna hang around for ever waitn for them to get there contry to gether we made them free what more do they want from me... freedom is a real good gift from god... and i am for spredin free dom and democrasy not given away a lot of free stuff to a bunch of iraqis. so taht is owr policy and it is a real good polcy.

bye for now

ps that pictur up there is supoosed to be a stachue of me wen i was flyin... it dont look like me but may be that is because i didnt go to the flying base in a long time an they forgot what i look like... i will rite a daily thout someday on my flyin days be cause i got some real funny stories... bye

I will do whatever it takes to keep America safe.

hi... you no i have a real big responsiblity keepin america safe... and 9 11 jest shows how much i need to do it. an no one else is allowed to do it.

i was talkin about it with my lawyer al gonzoles... and he tole me that i have all the power i want if am usin it for nashinial security. and i can do any thin i want an no one can stop me.

so i asked him if i could invade contries and stuff and bom em and he said yes for shur... and i said can i ordere peopole killed and locked up for life he said yes...

and i said how about if congres and the cort judge donnsnt vote the rite way can i use my powers on em... and he sed yues if i am doin it to keep america safe...

and i seid... can i cancel elecshins and stuff if i am doin it to keep america safe... and he had to thinkn about that one but he saed i think so...

so i jest mite have to canceil the eleshins until it is safe for americins to go to the polls... ha ha it sure is fun bein the president

I will destroy all the tyranny in the world to keep America safe.

hi... you no it is my mishin givin by god to distroy all the tirriny in the world... that is the only way america can be safe. and that is why we are in iraq and are gonna stay over there until all the tirriny is gone from the hole world.

now some peopl are askin me... were did i get that stratigy from. and it is real simple... this one summer wen i was in skule i was home for the summer... and owr back yard had a bunch of hornits in it. be cause there was hornits nests all around in the back yard... and one of em stung me. and so i new that i wuld never be safe until all the hornits were dead. so i got real lickered up and ran around kickin there nests and hitten at em with sticks and flickin lit matches at em to try to set em on fire.... and i dont rememmer how it turned out but i bet it turned out real good... and that is were i got my stratigy from... and it is a real good stratigy.

bye for now.

I am very pleased with my State of the Union address.

hi... you no last nite i gave my state speach... and it was a real good speech. but it is hard to rite be cause people keep trying to get there own projekts into it all the time.

like the thing with the ethinal... i sed what is that and they said it is alcohol like booze and i said that is goin in the speech...

and this one guy.. a skinny guy with glasses i did not no him... he was real big on this man animal hibred thing... and i sed what is that and he said it was this thing.. were they cross a man an animal... and i said well it sonds llike a manimal and is al kayda gonna get ahold of this tecnology and make a bunch of manimals and tern em loose in our contry... and he sed that is exactly right... and so i am real against manimals... i dont want to see man-tigeres and wherewolves and stuff sent by al kayda in owr schools and churshes too.. bitin people. so we are gonna put a stop to it.

so it was a real good sppeach... and i think i gave a real clear message to america.. that i am on the job an defendin america even tho the dem o crats want manimals to run wild and bite us. i am not gonna stand fer that when i am president. bye for now.

I am prepared to take military action against Iran.

hi... you no there is peopl in the world that hates us for no reason.. and a lot of them are in the middl east...

now there is one of em called iran that is gonna get the atom bomm... and i have bin havin meetins with my aids and stuff to deside what to do about it. and i sed i want the rejeem change for iran... be cause it worked so good in iraq then i want to do it agin this time in iran.. and we will give em a real good rejime that will not want to have the atim bomm.

and i figger it is gonna take... like fifty guys in a pick up trucks.... and they will invade iran and the peopl will be so happy to be liberaded that they will let us do the rejime change... yeah fifty guyys is about rite.

now my generils are tellin me that they dont have fifty guys or a pick up truck to spare cause they need em all in iraq... an they sade if we atack iran then all the shites in iraq will rebel aginst us... and i tole them god dam it thay have to do it any way... and i am the commander so thay have to follow my orderes... so ther is anuther rejime change that i can take credit for.

bye for now

We have determined our electoral strategy for 2006.

hi... you no it is almos eleshin time agin... we shur do have a lot of dam eleshins in this county... and i have bin workin with karl rove and a bunsh of othre real smart aids to find out owr eleshin stratigy... and it is a real good stratigy.

and it is... we are gonna thretin america witht terrorst attack if they dont vote for the republicins and give us more power... we are gonna promese more 9 11 atacks if peopl vote for the dem o ocrats...

and it is gonna work real good... be cause wat is the use of havin helth care and libertys and stuff if you are dead from the terrerism...

and the terrerism is a real good ishue for us... karl esplained it to me... if they dont atack then it proves we are doin a real good job keepin america save... and if they do attack we blame it on the dem o crats and libruls and stuff and take more power.. to keep amerika safe.. ha ha ha we cant lose.

bye for now and be real afraid of the terirism.

I will make bold proposals in my State of the Union address.

hi... you no i am workin real hard on my state speach... and it is real hard ritin a speach be cause there is so much that has got to go into it.

now last yere my speach was about my real bold plan for fixin the soshil securty... and we fixed it real good.

this yere i got a real bold plan for fixin the helth care... and do you no what my plan is... it is you can pay for yor own dam health care and there will be a tax cut for rich peopl too... so that is gonna incurige you to be rich so you can aford to pay for yer helth care and get the tax cut. that is called a ideoligy and we have a real good ideoligy in my gover mint.

bye for now

My domestic surveilance program is 100% legal.

hi... you no i hate terorism unlike some people... and i will do anythin to get them. so i am doin a lot of secrit stuff... wire tapin and secrit interigashin camps all over the world.

and some peopl are sayin it is illegil... well i got a bunch of lawyers around here and there job is to say it is all legil if you care about that... and they will.

now i dont care about it too mush.. you no we got atacked on 9 11... an it was be cause we had too many laws and stuff. you see i am real smart i am the first presient to figger that out... i rememmer when i was on vacashin in 01 and they gave me the pdb that said bin laden was gonna strike in the us... i sed dam there is no point in me doin any thing be cause theres too many laws and stuff so i am just gonna stay on vacashin... and you see wut happined next...

now some people are sayin... that i am gettin to be a dick tater be cause i wont follow any laws... well i am not a dick tater... i could be if i wanned to but i dont want to be a dick tater... now i admit that some times when i am drinkin my wisky i start wannin to be a dick tater but wen i wak up i am real glad to be the president. so dont you go worrien about me bein a dick tater.

bye for now.

I urge my critics to be responsible on Iraq.

hi... you kno there is been a lot of discussin goin on... a lot of opinin... about my deshishins in iraq. and some of you peopl.... dem o crats mostly... are sayin that i lied the contry into iraq and i am losin the war and i cant pull us out of the war...

well... you better quit cricisin my deshishins be cause you are hurtin the troops over there in iraq... fitin aginst the enemy...

be cause the troops no there dear leader is infaliable wich means i never make a mistaek... and if you keep criticisn they are gonna get confused and there heads will spin arond and they will ferget who the emeny is... and they will start shootin at each other... with there guns... and it will all be yer falt for critisin.

and if you say i was lien... well if i was lien then why didnt you cach me lien... esplain that mister smarty pants. you are just helpin the emeny... and you better quit helpin them or i will inflict you.

bye for now and support yer dear leader aginst the emeny.

I want a dignified confirmation process.

hi... you no ther is the confrmashin process goin on for the cort judge... and it is sam allito.

but he was not my first choise wich was my lawyer hariet miers... i piked her but then she said she did not wanna be a cort judge no more... so she coud stay in the wite house with me and watch me make real good desishins for america.

so then they brot in sam allito and said he was the new cort judge... and i did not no him he is not in my loyalty net work... he is this greasy wop lookin guy and i said hey greesy we used to make guys like you mop floors at yale... and he just smiled.

so he is a real smart gy who is gonna give a lot of class to the suprem cort. and he agres with my executive powers... wen he gets on the cort i am gonna start usin my powers more... espeshily against congres they are gettin real uppity. and some of them need to no there place wich is to take orders from there commander.

bye for now... o and p s i did not now jack abramoss or tom de lay i never met them and if i did i did not like to meet with them. so dont go lookin for any connecshins with me and them. bye for now.

I had a very good meeting with former Cabinet members.

hi... i had a real good meetin today with a bunch of secritaries to other presidents... that is a picshure of us up with me... and dick and rummy and condi.... and you can tell how jelis they all wer that they did not get to be my secritarys... and i did not no a lot of them i think some of em worked for my dad... wen he was presidnet.

and we tole them that we have a real good victery plan in iraq and things are real good over there and evrey thing is on track for victery anad i tole them to go out and spred the word so peple will see we have a real good vcitery plan.

and then i went in the next room to play my video game be cause it was video game time.. and i herd a lot of shouten and stuff from the meetin room it sounded like they were havin a real good meetin.

any way this otta get pepole to stop critisisn my war deschisns and you better quit critisizn me before you hert any more troops.

bye for now.

My agenda for next year will be bigger and bolder than ever.

hi... well you no that it is new years and so it is time for me to think about all my acomplish ments of the last year... and they are real good acomplish ments. we are bringin freedom all arond the world... and cut a bunch of taxes and america is a strong and free and good then ever be fore.

and well my aids have bin tellin me that... my ajenda for next year has gotta be more humble... be cause i am all ready the best president ever and if i get any more better then all of the other presidents are gonna get to jelis...

well that is not now dear leader operates... i am gonna have a real more ambishish ajenda next year and i dont care how jelis they get...

be cause you see i like to place big bets... ther is no use bettin small... but i am real smart see i bet real big with other peples money and stuff so if it paies off i look like a genyis and if it dont well then shit i just walk away... that is wat i lerned when i was in the oil bisnis and that is how i operate. and it is a real good way of operatin.

so all of you who believ in Me... you are gonna see me make more big bets next year and we wil see if they pay off. iraq is goin so good i mite liberate some more contries... and i will do somthin about congres too they are gettin real uppity and i mite use my speshil war powers on them... and lots more big bold ajendas too. so it is gonna be another real good year like this one...

thank you for supportin Me and god bless... bye for now and see you next year.

Day by day things are getting better in Iraq.

hi you no that we gotta find out who is abusin them people in iraq... in secrit prisins... and it is not ours it is the new iraqi govermint we went over there to set up... i was changin the chanel over to the cowboys game and i saw the report about it... they found these prinsers and they had arms and legs broke and heds broke and finger nals ripped out and stuff... and burns too.

and so we have got a real big mistery on owr hands now. because we gotta figure out how them prisoners got abused... damm who the hell coulda done it... i asked karl if he new and he said no... and i asked andy card too and hariette and the did not kno ether.

and i said we better call out the mistery machine to find out this mistery... scooby dooby doo were are you ha ha i sure love that show.

you no now that i think about it how do we even no this is true. they cold be lien... maybe they broek there own bones and riped out there own finger nails... how do we no. so that takes care of that. bye for now.

I am a bold and resolute leader.

hi... you kno i just herd that other contries are puttin pomes about me in their tekts books for there scool childrin to lern about me and how i am a real good leader... my staff briefed me on it... we have this breefin every day which is called the good news of the day briefin and my staff tells me how things are goin real good and my deshisins are real good for america and hohw th e world respeks me. and today it was all about this pome. and it was in a forin tekts book and here is the pome:

Patient and steady with all he must bear,
Ready to meet every challenge with care,
Easy in manner, yet solid as steel,
Strong in his faith, refreshingly real.
Isn't afraid to propose what is bold,
Doesn't conform to the usual mould,
Eyes that have foresight, for hindsight won't do,
Never backs down when he sees what is true,
Tells it all straight, and means it all too.
Going forward and knowing he's right,
Even when doubted for why he would fight,
Over and over he makes his case clear,
Reaching to touch the ones who won't hear.
Growing in strength he won't be unnerved,
Ever assuring he'll stand by his word.
Wanting the world to join his firm stand,
Bracing for war, but praying for peace,
Using his power so evil will cease,
So much a leader and worthy of trust,
Here stands a man who will do what he must.

i like that pome... and so i rote a pome too and here it is:

G is for the God that lives in my hart
E is for the elefint that makes a fart
O is for somethin
R is for the somthin else
G is for God agin
and E is for the elifint agin

i think it is a real good pome that i rote... and you better like it. bye for now.

We are in terrible peril in Iraq.

hi... i dont kno if you have notised but we have a new main reason to stay the corse in iraq now. and it is a real good reason.

and that is... that we are in real bad trouble in iraq. i mean we are in real, real bad trouble. that is the new messige that we are trying to get out to amercia.

you see if dont make iraq a real nice democrasy that doe snt hate us then... it will go back to terriny... and it will be a base for more attacks on america... and there will be lots more 9 11s if we fail in iraq... that is the offishil messige now.

but dont wory... we got the hole thing under contral and things are goin real good over there now. but you cant critisise our desishins or else the hole thing will go kablooey. so dont do that jus t trust us we are real smart and we never make mistaeks....

and what we are gonna do is, we are gonna stand up a new iraqi army that is gonna take over the fite from us so we can bring orr troops home then... and we are gonna train em real good so they can beet the insergensy and save us from more 9 11s... they are gettin real good already. bye for now

We do not torture.

hi... you know i have been hearin a lot lately about torshure. and i sure am sick of it. people want to talk about us torshrein terrerists and stuff in stead of all the progress we are makin in iraq... and it is real good progress.

now it is this u n lady... what a bunch of bull shit this is what i am talkin about... she is quwestinin my commands as leader... so i am real glad john boltin is in the u n for us he told her to shut up and quit askin questions... and he told her real good i am glad i picked him.

and this u n lady... she is the commishiner for human rites.... well i am the biggest human rites guy in the hole world... i liberated hunerts and thousans of iraqees from saddams evil rule... he had torcher rooms now look at it. and you can see it is real better.

anyway bye for now and suppoert yer dear leader.

America will not cut and run from Iraq.

hi... you no i am doin real good with my victery plan... see it was this plan that we had and we wer followin it and it was so good it was a secret but we deshided that... we were gonna tell america about it... and we did... so we did have a plan it is not somethin that we wrote in the last three days look at how long it is.

and the victery plan is... dont leave iraq until we win... you see we cant lose the war unless we leave wile we are losin it... if you stay in there until you win... then you win.

now some people... dem o crats mostly... are sayin that we shuld pull out wile we are losin. and i say what are you a dummy. as long as i am commander we are gonna stay in there until we win and that way we win. any one can see that.

bye for now.

Pray for victory.

hi... well you no it is sunday agin so it is time for another thot about baby jesus... who lives in my hart and is the one true god.

baby jesus likes it wen you do the stuff he sais and he likes to be praised and stuff... and he gets mad if you dont do what he says and he makes hurricains and stuff.

and what baby jesus wants you to do now is support the war and support yer dear leader... and dont make him mad be cause he will inflict you.

so i want all good americans to go down to your local chuch and get down on your nees and preay to baby jesus for victory

and all the armies will get a baby jesus on the end of a long stick... and they will carry the baby jesus stick at the head of there armies wen they go out to do batle with the emeny. and it will shoot out fire bolts and stuff and owr armys will be invinsible wich means they cant be defeeted.

bye for now ps sorry about the late post but there was still a lot of wisky and stuff left over from thanks givin. bye and prey real hard for dear leader.

Conditions are becoming right for withdrawal from Iraq.

hi... well you no i am gonna anounse in the next few days that the condishins are becomin right for us to start pullin out of iraq...

and the condishins i am talkin about is the political condishins here in america... because i was waiten for the dem o crats to start calling for withdrawin the troop... and dam it took them for ever to do it.. but now we can start pullin out.

it is like with startin the war i made dam shure the dem o crat ledership all voted for the war... i set it up so they had to with the scary stories about wmd that were wrong but i blamed all that on the cia... so the dems can not blaem me for startin the war be cause they voted for it too... you see what that did to kery he could not run aginst me on the war be cause he voted for it.

and now the dem o crats are callin for pullin out of iraq... and that gives me cover to do it now you see... be cause now if things go right i will take all the credit... and if it goes rong then i will blame the dems for calling for the pull out and losin the war... you see i am real smart i always win.

bye for now...

America has much to be thankful for.

hi... well you all no that it is thanks givin time and it is time for america to be given thanks for all the things that it has to be thank full for... and one of them is god givin me to be the dear leader of america.

be cause i have had a lot of acomplishmints in the... three or four years i have been president. and they are

• i redused the tax burdin on the americins that create jobs and stuff an you can just see the results
  
• i made militery servise a lot more exsitin than it was before
  
• the hole world respeks us now be cause they no we are not afraid to use awr pawr
  
• america has a real strong executive now be cause of all the extra powers i granted myself after 9 11
  
• i spread freedom and demo crasy all aroun the world so now it is safe for freedom and democrasy like america is.

and that is a lot. so every american shuld go down on there nees and praze baby jesus for makin me president... bye for now.

ps they are sayin i gotta shake up my administrashin if i want to save my presidensy... and i aint sayin i am gonna do it... be cause if i ask dick cheny who shuld be my vice presidnet he is just gonna pick himself again... and my loyalty network is already in all the high govermint jobs and stuff so were is my new aids gonna come from... so if any one wants to be my vise president let me no... bye and have a real good thanks givin

God bless the Christians of China.

hi... you no these days i shur like to get away from washin tun... and i have bin travelin a lot lately... and i am over in china or somethin like that now. and i have bin meetin with the chineese leaders... like there president hu flung poo.. and lots of other leaders too.

now you kno we are workin on how we are gonna turn the politicle sissuashin around in washin ton... and i talk to karl about it every day. and he says i gotta go back to my base and get my base ennergized around me... that has bin our stratigy... wen i get my base... which is all the real americins who love baby jesus... and a few moderite voters then we have our power... and we can have it for a thousand years...

and so wen i was in china i visited a christin church... an i wrote in the gest book god save the christins of china... and i toll mr poo that he had to give the chrisins more rites and stuff... the base loves that.

and wen i get back we are gonna get to work on a big amenment to the constitushin that is gonna stop the gays gettin maried... and stop flag burnin too and a lot of other stuff we are gonna think up that the base is gonna love... and that will stop the slide. and then we will go on with our agenda... bye for now from china

I place a lot of trust in my Vice President.

hi... you no bein the presi dent is real hard work... and i am real lucky i have all these people who are my aids to help me make real good desishins for america.

now my vice presi dent is dick cheny... he is a real good aid... he is one of the real smart peopl who toll me that i had to invade iraq as soon as i got the chance... and he toll me that we would be greted with flowers and there would be no casulties.

and so wen 9 11 hapened we went rite over ther an invaded and there hasnt been another terrrisst attack in america since then... so that proves we are rite.

i am havin a real nice visit in asha and i wil rite more about that later but evry one is askin me about iraq... and all i have to say is we are gonna stay in there until the job is done why does every one keep askin me abou t it. anyway bye for now.

Critics of my Iraq policy are playing politics.

hi... i was up in alaska last weak talkin to the troops up here... i like talkin to troops they have orders to be real poliet and no that i am infalible wich means that i never make a mistaek.

now you no there is a lot of critics now about my deshishn to invade iraq... well i have a real good answr to that... be cause i made dam shur a lot of dem o crats voted for the war... so my ass is coverd real good. and that was esenshil to my stratigy.

i toll them that sadam has big fleets of droan aircraft that he is gonna fill up with small pocks and amtracks and send them over here to bom our cities with germs and that he has huge stock piles of chemicle weapins too and he is tryin to get a h bomb that he is gonna drop on our sities and give all that to al kayda so they can attack us agin too. and this was rite after 9 11 and be fore the mid term eleshins. and any one who was not votin for the war was a week stupid traitor and a homo pussy too. so they had to vote for it.

and now they are trien to take it back.... well i will not let them... and it is just the same if they trie to take there votes back then they are flip flopers and trater homos too.

and i am workin on a campain stratigy with karl rove and we are gonna hit back at them flip flopers and we will shut them up real quick so they have to stop the critisisn. and i will be givn a lot more speaches in front of the troops that my critiks are tryin to be tray. and if that dont work i will give some more speaches. bye for now.

We do not torture.

hi... you no there is a lot of questins goin around about torcher... well...

this is a differnt kind of war and we have to fite in a differnt way... but we do not do torcher. and we have secret camps all over where we dont torcher them for years and years. and we never let em go we.. we interrigate em but we just dont torcher them...

it is like a hazin... like wen i was presidnet at dke we took these pleges and made them eat off the floor in dog bolls and wear dypers an stuff like that... it is like that in the interigashin camps... and if they wold just give us the infermashin then... we could stop not torcherin them... but we are still not gonna let em go be cuase they would just go out and do more terorism...

and i am doin this to make america safe. so you cant critisize. bye for now.

I did not mislead America into war.

hi... you no there is a lot of talk now about the inteligense we used to get public opinyin and congress behind the war... the iraq war not the other one. and i just wanna set the record strait. be cause peopl are forgetin that saddam was a gatherin threat... and i will not sit around while gatherin threats gather to threatin america... i will take bold action to stop it.

now saddam was workin on real terrifien wepins... like these drones that he culd use to spread the bio warefare germs all over america. and here is a picsher of one



now if you are not terified yet... i got more. be cause they had to have facteries to make the germs in. and they make them in these mobil labs:



exsept then we lerned that they are not labs they are trucks to make hydrogin... the company that makes them said so. but we still had dick cheney out there talkin about the labs just to be on the safe side... be cause can you trust that one company to tell you the truth.

and we thot sadam had a nuculer program too be cause he was tryin to get uraneoum from africa and we had the papers to prove it.. ex cept the papers turned out to be forged but it was not our falt we did not do the forjeries and they were so good they foolled us.

and the tubes ther were these aluminim tubes that coulda been used in a bomb... now the buro crats were tellin us there was no wayh those tubes could be used for nucular but how could we be sher of that... we had to assume there was nucular intenshins espeshilly with the uraneoum dealy.

and we relied on a bunch of sorses that turned out to be lien to us... and some times they were nown liers be fore we started relien on them... and one of em amed chalaby is a iran agent...

but how culd we be sure t hey were lian... we had to assume it was all true... so america will be safe wich it is now... be cause we were not afraid to fight for americas freedom like some people. bye for now.

I am having a very nice visit to South America.

hi... you no wen they said i was goin to south america i said i was al ready there for the hurracains... but they said no it is even more south than that.... it is like another contry. and it was a real long plain ride to get down here.

but i am in join my visit i am real popular down here... there are thousans and thousans of people in the streets wavin picturs of me and liten fires so peopl can see the picturs better...

and that pictur up there is me with the president of chilli... i told him i love chilli but i did not no it had its own president... and he looked kinda confused and asked a guy somethin in spanish and they both laffed... so i am makin all kinds a frends down here for america.

now south america is were veniswala is... my aids says we gotta liberate veniswaila.. and you no i am always ready to spred freedom and dem o crasy everwere i go so i am gonna get on that veneswala thing and liberate em real good...

bye for now.

I will clean house in the White House.

hi... you no it is time for a big shake up in the white house... be cause there are lots of rumers goin around about my aids... about karl rove and dick cheny too... and ther is a lot of wisperin goin on there is a wisperin campain... and i am gona clean house...

i am gonna find all the staffers that have bin wisperin... and when i cach them i will inflict them good... i am puttin peopl under servailanse and i will catch them be cause they are breakin the nummer one rule around the white house... wich is no one goes against my will... they are wors than terrorriss thay are tryin to weakin my resolve and stuff. and i do not tollerate disloyalty... so i will get them and karl is helpin me with it. and then every one will lern the lessin that no one opposes my will in the wite house... bye for now.

My job is to protect the American people.

hi... you kno i am not in my basement room any more it is safe for me to come out now... i was down there yestiday and i was thinkin up ideas for america when karl came by... and he said we got away with it... that the only inditement was for libby and no one else is gonna be indicted... not even me... and i said good... be cause i was just about peein myself like i used to when i was flyin...

i sure am glad i am gonna have karl around for many more years be cause i need him to help me make real good decsishins for america... he is a real good adviser. and he is real smart too he has figgered out how we can main tain our grip on power even if the poles go down to twenny five per cent...

and the firs thing he told me was to pick a big fite with the dem o crats on the cort judge... so we are fixin to get that done real soon. things are turnin around i know it... thank you baby jesus...

bye for now.

I know how to pick people.

hi... it sure is nice an quiet down here in the basement... they hooked up my internets tonight and they are fillin up the licker cabinets... i got two down here... and a ice machine too.

now... you know i am the ceo president... and one thing they teach you in ceo school is how to pick real good people... the rite peopl for the rite jobs... and they say that A people pick A people... B peopl pick C peopl... and i pick people real good.

now i am real sad we had to withdraw the nomination... it was the documents... they were askin for them and we were not gonna give them up. be cause harriet believs in me and my theery of unlimited executive power... and part of that is i dont give anyone information... be cause information is power... and that is another thing i leraned in c e o school. peopl follow my orders be cause i am the commander and i dont have to explain every thing.

bye for now.

There will be some changes in the White House.

hi... you no there are gonna be some changes around the white house in the next few days... some of my real good aids like karl and dick are gonna have to lye low for a while until the heet is off. and that is ok i stlil have a lot of real good peopl in my loyalty network to fill the high govermint jobs... like hariet myers she was gonna be a cort judge and then she decided to stay in the white house which is real good be cause i need her to fill the govermint jobs...

and there are gonna be more changes too... they are buildin me a speshile room in the basement... and it doesnt have windows and it has real thick walls with little slits in them so i can look out... and they are callin in the bunker... like archy bunker i sure did love that show... but dont worry i made shur that they are puttin the internets wires in there so i can post you my daily thot... bye for now.

I demand total victory in the war on terror.

hi... my job as commader and leader is to see the big pichsure... and give orders and directshins, and it is up to other people to carry out the big orders i give. and i learned that at ceo skool and i am the ceo presidnet.

like with iraq i gave my order to go turn the whole middle east into a freedom lovin democracy... and they had to go do it... now some peopl say we have to be more realistic about our goals over there and i say no my orders are for all the soldiers to stay over there until all the freedum haters are dead. and they have to follo my orders be cause i am the commander.

and we have enouf troops over there to get the job done... my commanders on the ground say they dont really need any more and it is goin real good. i was talkin to one of em the other day and he said i "really screwed the pooch" which is miltairy lingo for i did a real good job. and i will keep on screwin the pooch for many years until all the terorists are dead. bye for now.

We all need to get on the same page.

hi... you know i have been havin meetins with my staff... about the inditements... and i figger a lot of your frends and family talkin about the inditements too... and you woudl like to have stuff to say about it. so we have wrote up a bunch of ansers to give if any one asks you about the inditements. and here they are

1. fitz jerald is a wierd loner who is real sloppy... there are a bunch of half eaten pitzas around his desk and he puts his jim clothes in his desk and stuff... and he is outa control... and he is still single at his age so he is probibly a homo.
   
2. this is just partisin revenge for us bein so successful at our agenda.
   
3. this is just partisin revenge for white water.
   
4. every one does it and it is just politics like we have all the time in washintin
   
5. joe wilson is a lier and he is a homo too. and any one who testifys against us is a homo.
   
6. every one already knew that varely flame was a cia agent... and she does not even work for the cia she is a avon lady who goes around sayin she is a cia spy and every one nows it all ready. and she is a skanky slut too.
   
7. this is a war time and it is real bad to be distractin the commander in cheef with inditements and stuff when it is war time.
   
8. no one has bin convicted... we need to let the process work and not pre juge what is gonna happen.... and it is all based on lies
   
9. this is all old news and we need to move on to make america a better place and stuff.

there... just keep sayin all that stuff and you will be hearin it on the t v too... be cause we have sent out the faxes to keep every one on the same page with the inditements... and you will be helpin out your dear leader a lot. bye for now.

History will vindicate me.

hi again... you no i have been hearin reports that some of my desishins are bein critisiced... there is a lot of opinin goin on... about my presidensy... and some peopl are sayin i am just about the worst president ever... and that i make some bad desishins and even wen they are bad i stick to the decishins be cause i cant change my mind and do it rite...

well... i disagree. be cause i have a real bold vishin for wher i am takin america and the world... and history will prove that i am reite... and wen the midle east is a great big freedom lovin demo crasy and america is free of huricains then i will look like a goddam geniues and i will be hailed as the gratest president ever.

some people just dont have my vishin and it looks like i am makin a lot of mistaeks... but it is not a mistake it is a real bold move that will pay off someday... we just have to waite for that day it is in gods hands now... and if you keep criticisin my deshinhns then god will inflict you... so shut up and let me make my real good dishishins. bye for now.

I will not comment on the pending investigation.

hi... you no there are a lot of people right now demandin answers about what i knew... and what happened with the cia lady. well, i will not answer any questins about a pending investigation. be cause the investigation that is goin on is a real good investigation and we dont want to mess it up by me answerin questins about it... we all just have to wait for the end of the process to go on... and you people who want to mess up the process are not gonna get away with it be cause i wil not let you.

and i am too busy makin real good desishins for america to be answerin a bunch of questions about the cia lady... so leave me alone so i can make my decishins... bye for now.

I am on top of the Plame thing now.

hi... you no every one is gettin all nervice about the cia lady thing... well i am not nervise but i did have to yell at some people.... this was in 03 when it started to come out that there was gonna be a investigashin... and i was talkin to karl rove... i call him turd blossom...

any way we had desided to go after that wilson guy who was underminin the case for goin to war... and it was comin out about the cia lady and i had a talk with my staff....

now karl has bin with me a long time and he is like a four star general in my loyalty network... and i no the rule is that no one in my net work ever makes a mistake but that rule is mainly for my protek shin and i dont follow rules if i dont want to any way.

so i said to karl i said wat the hell are you doin makin the phone calls your self... you shuld have leaked it in a way it could not be traced back to you are you an idiet or somethin... and he said it was under a confideshiality and i said i dont care... and i was real mad...

but you no this is nothin to worry about... the prosecuter is just a civil servent lawyer... makes may be aity thousand a year... and a inditement is just a piece of paper he files with a cort judge... i dont care about that i am the president and that gives me powers i aint even used yet... no body is gonna resine or go to jail over this little thing you have dear leaders promise for that. we no how to deal with prosecuters who dont follow orders... and dis loyal people too.

bye for now and follow your dear leaders orders real good.

There have been many intelligence failures lately.

hi... sorry about the no thots in a while but i have been real busy.. in a bunch of meetins about the inditements... in the cia lady case... and it really tore up my week end like the hurricain did but we have desided on a stratigy and it is a real good stratigy.

and that is we are gonna blame the whole thing on inteligence failure... it has worked for us a bunch of times be fore and got us out of worse jams than this one.

like nine elevin, tennit was tryin to warn me about the attack comin, and he warned and warned but he did not warn hard enoff. so we wer able to blame 9 11 on the cia.

and the sixteen words about the urenium in the state of the union... the cia told us to take it out and we put it back in and they did not tell us again to take it out... so we were able to blame that one on the cia. too.

and the wmd.. the cia was sayin we dont no about if there is wmd in iraq now and we said are you shur, are you shur, ar you shure until they said what we wanted... so we blamed the cia for the no wmd thing too.

so this thing with the cia lady is another inteligence failure... be cause she is just a desk jocky she is not a spy like james bond... and the cia is so screwed up they dont even no who is covert over there and who is not... so this is their falt... and that means pardons for every one and maybe metals too for exposin how scrued up the cia is...

bye for now.

I do not turn with the winds of public opinion.

hi agin... you know there has bin a lot of talk lately about poles... now we have a bunch of people in the wite house full time lookin at poles and anilizin them... and they say the poles are real bad for me and that the majority thinks i am a failure.

well i do not make my desishins based on poles... the way i make my desishins is i get briefed by my closest advisers... and it is oril breafing i do not like to read to much be cause it makes my brain sells hurt... and then i lissen to my gut... and i you are readin this then you know that my gut is where baby jesus talks to me... and then i make my desishin. and then i am done for the day after that it is all in God's hands...

and i never re con sider any of my dishishins... like when i desided to invade iraq i made my deshishin and that was that... no matter what we were gonna go in and we did.

now if the poles say i made a good deshishn that just shows how popular i am... and if they dont then that proves i am a real bold leader who does not make deshisins based on the poles... so you see i win no matter what...

bye for now and if the poles call you say you love dear leader bye

I will stay on the course I have set for America.

hi... you know lately a lot of peopl have bin sayin i should recon sider... some of the decishins i have made for america... like in iraq and with the supreem cort and stuff.

well i am not gonna reconsider anythin, dear leader doesint work that way... be cause if i recon sider one thing then were is it gonna end i will be recon siderin this and that and i need to move forward with new good desishins for america.

and it sounds a little bit like those peopl are sayin i made a mistake with my deshishins... and if you are readin this well then you know it is treasin and blasfemy at the same time to say dear leader made a mistaek...

any way i am gonna be dear leader for a real long time and you all shuld just except that i dont make mistaeks and my decishins have to be excepted because i am dear leader... and i am infalliable too. so all you recon sider ashin people just shut up.

bye for now

My choice for the Supreme Court is Harriet Miers.

hi... you know there is a vacensy now on the supreme cort. and to fill the vacensy my choice is gonna be harriet myers. i know her real good. she is my lawyer. she is a real nice christian lady and she is way up in my loyalty net work even tho i have known her only ten years. that pishier of her up there of her and me is her handin me the pdb about bin laden. i rememmer that nite it was chilli nite.

and i have had long talks with harriet. she agrees with my ideas about executive power. and she says i am the smaratest man she has ever nown. so she is gonna make real good decishins for america.

now some people are sayin that she has no experience. well you have to have real good experience to be a cort judge and she has it. and it is real good that i am pickin some one out side of the judishle monestary be case you want some one that doesnt have a lot of opinins out there to read.

any way she will put my mark on the society for a generashin. bye for now.

Now is not the time to leave Iraq.

hi... you kno i am hearin a lot of people wan to pull us out of iraq... and that would be a mis take. be cause now is not the time to leave... and i will tell you why it is be cause we have not won the war yet. after we win the war, that is when we will leave... i will let you no when that is, it is gonna be real soon.. .but we cant say wehn yet be cause that will encorige the terrorissts.

now iraq is full of terrorissts it is wors then afganistan. and you see if we quit fitin them over there they will come over here to fite and there will be more 9/11s for sure. be cause rite now they are real scared of us and they are fitin us over there... but if we quit fitin em there they will all swim over here and fite us in our schools and churches too.

and we have to keep fitin until we defeat all the terrorsts. but we are gonna hand that job over to the iraqi army when they are ready.... and they are not ready yet but they are gettin real good... and they are gonna be ready soon.

now all the other presidents, the mistake they made was... after the first terrorss attacks like the cole and the first wtc bomb they did not make war. and that is why they attacked us on 9/11. they wer attackin us be caus we were not invadin iraq to fite them over there. see i am real smart i am the first president to realise that. bye for now.

America enjoys the protection of the Almighty.

hi again... you no it is sunday again... the lords day so it is time for another thought about baby jesus agin...

america is a real special contry in the world be cause it is the only one speshilly protected by god almitey himself... if you are readin this then you no that baby jesus chose me to be president... i am a godly man with baby jesus in side my hart... and america will enjoy gods protecshin as long as i am president... wich is why things have gone so good for america since i have been president. but if you thro me out then god will no longer protect america and he will inflict you.

and i have been thinkin about that a lot lately be cause ther are a lot of investigashins and stuff happenin around washingin and the people might be gettin ideas about throwin me out... like with the cia lady i told the prosecuter that i didnt remember anything. but that damm colin powel was on air force one with me when we were discussin what to do about wilson... dam why did i ever hire that guy... he is not part of my loyalty network so why did i hire him. i dont remember i might have been drinkin the brake fluid then things are real hazy... but if he tolld the prosecuter about the wilson conversashins then i will inflict him good...

well any way the point is that if i get throne out then america will not have gods protectshin any more and they will be real sorry they threw me out... bye for now.

Karen Hughes is doing a really good job.

hi again... you know i am real concerned with the way america is perseeved in the world. every one knos we are the freest country in the world and the goodest contry too. and we are so free and so good a lot of peopple... who dont love freedom like we do, they hate us. we are way more into freedom than anyh other contry... and i have been talkin to my advisers about why they hate us so much. and they are sayin that we are not explainin our selfs better.

so i needed some one to go out and explain america so they will understand us better... so they will stop hatin us... so i went to my loyalty network and i knew rite away who i wanted... karen huge she is this man-lookin lady who has been with me for years and years... she is like a three star general in my loyalty network. and she is my communication directer.... and i new she was the one to carry our message...

and she jest got back from her trip and she did a real good job... i was kinda worred that they wuld cach her and cut her head off... but they told me that is only iraq and she didnt go to iraq on her trip... wich is good be cause we need her to carry our message of stop hatin us...

bye for now.

There is a lot of good news coming out of Iraq.

hi... you kno i never read the news papers or watch the news on tv... and that is because that is all just a filter... i get my news right from the people who kno stuf... my staff. and they tell me the stuff i need to kno to make the dicisions i make as president.

now lately i have been hearin a lot of good news about iraq... i bet if you read the news papers and stuff you think things are out of control over there... well that is be cuase they filter out all the good news. and my staff say thay make an extra effert to get me the good news...

liek tuesday... they caght this suiside car bommer drivin aroun in the green zone. and they caght him be fore he set off his bomm. see our alert personnel over there in the green zone were able to catch on to the bomber after he had been drivin around awhile... so the bomb dint go off. and that is proof we are winin. see that is the good news you never here from the eleet media. bye for now.

I have the greatest Administration ever assembled.

hi... you know we are workin real hard to contain the damage from the hurricain... i had to go to a bunch of borin breafings and stuff on the new hurrican and it was even the week end... and i even had to get rid of browny my fema guy it was real embarrasin to me to have to do that.

see the way we staff the govermint jobs is with my loyalty network... ther are people i trust to submit to my Will.. and then ther are the peopl that they trust and so on down the line.

and the loyalty is real importent be cause i am the only one who can run the country and keep it safe. be cause almitey god has chosen me as the leader. so i dont want the people in my administrashin freelancin and stuff, they gotta follow orders from Me.

and i dont like people tellin me i am rong it is real distractin... and it is hard for me to make real crisp decishins when ther is someone in the room lookin at me like i got six heads... like i am crazy or somthin... my administrashin people have got to no their place... which is to take orders.

now some people are sayhin that my loyality network is full of incompitent people that should not be allowed to run anythin... well that is ok because they dont have to be compitent because they all take their orders direct from Me, and i never make a mistake... be cause baby jesus talks out of my gut which is never rong, i make all my decishins from my gut. and they are never ever rong.

bye for now and stay loyal to your Dear Leader.

I have not started drinking again.

hi... you kno there are some rumers goin around.. that i have started drinkin again.

well those rumers are not true... i have two maybe three whiskies a night and maybe some wine... and that aint what i call drinkin. it is just to get rid of the shakes i dont even get a buzz from it.

now i am not supposed to talk about it... but back in my drinkin days i would put away a bottle of whisky a day... on top of a twelve pack and maybe some wine too. and if it was still early i would get into the hidralic brake fluid.... i liked valvoline the best that shit would get you fucked up. i am real prowd of those days i could drink more than any one.

but i quit drinkin like that when i was about 40... when baby jesus came into my heart. so i could be president because drinkin too much can effect your brain sells... and i am real lucky it did not kill off all my brain sells too.

bye for now.

We are going to stay in there until the job is done.

hi... well you no that a lot of my time is bein taken up dealin with a disaster. and i want to ashure america that... we will stay in ther as long as it takes to get the job done.

now some people are point in fingers and plain the blame game... well the disaster is not our fault. be cause there is no way anybody could no that this would happen. and even if we did no there is nothin we could do to stop it. even if we had made an effort wich we did not. so you can see how it cant be oor fault.

and some peopl are sayin we ignored clear warnins and were not prepared for what happened. and that our prioritys were all scrued up and we didnt have the resorces in place to get the job done... and that the leadership was incompitent. well i disagree. i just do.

and people are complainin about the cost... that the disastr is costin too much. well i say we are not goona quit until the job is done... no matter how much it is gonna cost. under under my leader ship we are gonna prevail.

bye for now

Hurricanes are dangerous.

Hi... you know with all the hurricains goin around it is real important to know about them... so i have been readin a book about hurricans. so i can be in charge the next time it happins.

did you no that they have winds over a hunnert miles an hour. and they can smash buldins and stuff. the middle of the hurricain is the eye there are no winds in the eye but they come back around on the other side.

and one thing the book did not say is why baby jesus made hurricains if they are so dangeros. and i asked dick why and he didnt here me be cause he was tappin on his pace maker tryin to get it to work.

an i have the wether chanel on all the time now not espn so we will not get surprised again like we did the last time. and if i see a hurricain i am gonna call the wether lady and tell her.

anyway hurricains are real dangeros so if you see one comin you shuld get out of the way. bye for now.

I have a plan to rebuild New Orleans.

hi i am back from my vacation agin... you know disasters work out real good for us be cause after a disaster america looks to me for leader ship... be cause i am the only dear leader america has... so even if i created the diaster my self they still have to submit to my leader ship... and that is our system and it is a real good system.

now wen there is a disaster we always use it to seeze more power and stuff for us... and i have my best guy on that karl rove... after the dis aster he called me from his hospitle bed... be cause he is havin surgery on his pee pee... and the first thing he said is he said we cant let all them refugees get the residensy in texas they have to vote in looisiana or else all the calculashuns are throne off... and i said karl you are a real smart guy i am puttin you in charge of the hole re construshun.

and we are workin on all kinds of plans like cuttin more taxes and stuff. and the refugees arent gonna be allowed to sue anyone. and they will to go privit christine schools and stuff. and we have lots of other good ideas too...

bye for now.

I am satisfied with the response to Katrina.

hi... i have been talkin to folks about the response to the katrina hurricain... gettin opinions and stuff... and you know we are doin a real good job. my home land security guy, chertoff, he is doin a real good job, he has donated a lot to republicans. and my feema guy to. they are part of my loyalty network so you no they are doin a real good job. so we are not gonna have any hearins or stuff like that.

and i am gonna survey the damage and get back to washington... be cause we gotta have a legislativ response and i am gonna take the lead on that... we gotta cut the taxs on the oil producers they are real hurt by the hurrican... so they will not have to pay any more taxes. and the enviro ment laws too, we gotta change them in a hurry be cause of the oil problems...

now i here that there were some people in new orleens that did not gas up there suvs and drive away when the hurricane was comin. and some of em dint even have a car. and some of em are still in there and there is some dead ones too. well you kno there is a message here. be cause you can not count on the govermint to bale you out if you do not have personal responsibilty. and that is what is called an idiology. and we have a real good idiology in our govermint.

and i bet a lot of librels who hate america are gonna say that havin 40 per sent of the national gard in iraq fitin for freedom hurt the response. and i disagree with that. i just do.

you know all this leadin is tirin me out so i am takin another vacation... and it will be for two weeks, and no daily thots either be cause i am real tired out and i need my vacation so i can lead america real good. bye bye for two weeks.

I am on top of the Katrina thing now.

hi... i have heard reports of a big hurricain hitten new orlenes. and now i want you all to kno i am cuttin my vacation short two days and comin back to the white house.

now when i was enjoin my vacaton i looked at the wether channel a couple times a day to get the wether for my bike rides... and i saw there was a real big hurricain comin. and i asked if the huricane was comin into craw ford today and they said no so i went on my bike ride.

but boy it sure does look like a big mess down there now. so now i am gonna get back to work. and you no that means its a real serious situation. like this one summer i was on vacation and i got this pdb about bin laden getten a attack ready and i stayed on my vacation. because i need my vacations so i can have a real balanced life and make crisp desishons.

they say it was the levees brakin but i no the levees are real strong... i was able to move federal money from the levees to iraq... to use the money to fite for freedom.

and i am havin don rumsfeld run this whole operation... so you no it is gonna go good. bye for now.

We will help the Iraqi people move toward a free and secure future.

hi... you know, i bet some of you people thot that when we took saddam out we were done and it was time for mishin acomplished. well if you thot that you are a dummy. be cause if there is one thing i have learned it is makin democracy is hard work. and we have to stay in there until the job is done... the very next day we will leave.

an those insurgents they are just tryin to make you think we are losin the war and i dont no what i am doin. so if you think that then you are doin what the terroristss want. and you better quit helpin the terrorists becase i will inflict you.

Loyalty is important to me.

hi... you know loyalty is a real important value to me... i have a whole bunch of people who are real loyal to me and i call it my loyalty network... and it is real good to be in my network you get high goverment jobs and stuff.

and we have some rules in my loyalty network and they are

1. no one opposes my will
2. no one ever makes a mistake speshally me
3. its someone elses fault
4. we have to stick together

and if you wanna see the loyalty network in action... after 9 11 i promoted condi and blamed the cia for everything... guess who was not in my loyalty network ha ha

if you wanna high govermnit job you have to be in my loyalty network... not like that colon powell i dont no why i made him secritary of state when he was not in my network look how that turned out... he tried to talk me outta invadin iraq so he broke rule nummer 1 just imagine if that had worked. so i replaced him with a real loyal lady. and everythin has been fine since then.

bye for now and stay loyal to your dear leader.

The Iraqi people are making heroic efforts to be free and democratic.

hi... from i da ho... you know i am real excited about the iraq constitution process. they have agreed on a real good constitution. and that is why in invaded iraq is so they can make up their own constitution in stead of someone makin em do it. i have not read it but it sounds real good. so i did not make a mistake look at the good constituion they have now in iraq, now america will be safe.

and there are some people who say iraq is gonna have a civil war... and all i have to say to that is we had a civil war too and look how good we turned out. So that is proof.

bye for now.

I am taking the fight to the enemy.

hi... you know ther is more to bein president than just havin planes and servents and stuff... i am commander in chief too. and that means i can demand your obeedeence... no one tells me no, i can invade contries and stuff and i dont even have to say why.

like when i told my generals to invade iraq... they went all pail and one of the generals was sick behind the table. but they had to go anyway and they did.

and that is the kind of bold commander i am takin the fight to the emneny.... if i did not send our troops into iraq all them insurgents woulda swum right over here and they would be attakin us in our schools and churches too. and some traitors think that would be real nice i dont.

and so we have to stay in there until the mishin is complete... and i will tell you what the mishin is... it is to make it look like i did not make a mistake when i ordrd my generals to invade iraq... and we figger after they have their new election in december is when. and then we will bring the troops home and have a lot of victry parades for their commander.

bye for now.

My faith is important to me.

hi... since its sunday its time for me to talk about baby jesus again...

baby jesus is a god that lives in my heart and talks through my gut....

and he tells me to do stuff like invade countries and stuff and he has promissed to smite my enimies... and he has asurred me of victory over all my enemies. and i hear him real lowd when i have my whisky... i will win soles for baby jesus all over the world with the power he has given me.

and that is how i got elected all the real americans heard the baby jesus calling to them out of my gut and they just love baby jesus... and he has promised me a thousand years of powwer. and he blesses evry thing i do... all the other gods are false gods.

and that is good for america to have a god-man leading them. i shure am glad i let baby jesus in to my heart. bye for now.

America must stand united in this time of war.

hi... you know we like to have our fun down here in craw ford but we are workin on the real important problems facin america... and right now we are workin on how i am not gonna get blamed for iraq... be cause if you think i am gonna take the blame for iraq then you dont no dear leader too good...

and we had a big meetin about it yesterday after the chilli... and one good thing is the democrats voted for the war they had to be cause of the wmd... wich i blamed on the cia... and so that gives me cover for startin the war but what about losin it.

well a bunch of dems are callin to pull all the troops out... and that makes me laff be cause when we pull the troops out next year befor the mid term electin they are not gonna be able to critisise me be cause they said pull the troops out. so it is all there falt.

now a cupple of dems are demandin i come up with a victery plan to win the war and that i win it... well there are not to many of them so we all agreed we can blame losin the war on the dems. and then we will win the mid term electins and 08 too.

you see i always win. bye for now

I enjoy being President.

Hi from cra ford again... you know it is real hard work bein president but i en joy it. i have my own planes and helicopters and stuff, and lots of servents and aids it is like bein a king but like karl tole me i have more power than any king ever had. and no one ever goes against My Will.

and my servents and stuff are around 24 hours all the time even when i go to take a dump there are like six people who go in with me... two secret servise guys and the guy with the nucular go codes and a couple of guys i dont even no what they do... and they have to stand there while i take a dump... and it is chilli night in crawford tonite... ha ha it is real fun bein president.

bye for now

I like to have some fun when I am on vacation.

hi... you know we are working real hard down here in crawford.... keepin amrica safe for freedom and stuff... but we like to have our fun too. we like to play jokes and stuff.

and the bigest joker is my secretary of defense rumsfeld i call him rummy... anyway he is doin a real good job he is the best secretary ever... but the last couple of years he has begged me like a milyen times to let him resign and i always say no way be cause he is doin such a good job.

any way the otehr day we were gettin ready for another forin policy meetin about iraq and he begged me to let him resign again and he was begign and beggin... and i said no way... and he ran over to the curtins and he took the rope off and he started tiein the rope around his neck and he started screemin he was gonna do it and he said i was a in human monster... and i laffed and laffed. and we have jokes like that all the time down here in craw ford... helps break up the stress of a busy work day.

bye for now.

I am a bold and resolute leader.

hi from craw ford... you know i am a real bold and resoloot leader... it is somethin i learned from my businss days..

i was a real bold ceo i was a risk taker... in the oil business... i was not afrade to take big risks i like to make big bets... except you see i am real smart i never bet my own money... i bet other peples money.... so if the bet payd off i look like a genyus and if it does not pay off well then shit i just walkd away.... i did that plenny of times..... i dont think any of my big bets payd off but that did not stop me from bein real bold the next time with someone elses money.....

and now that i am dear leader and comander in chief i have a hole countrys worth of money and solders and stuff to bet with.... and i have been a real bold and resoloot president too... and i am prayin to baby jesus that my bets are gonna pay off and i will be haled as the gratest president ever.... that is how dear leader operates.

bye for now.

My Presidential Prayer

hi... well you know it is sunday the lords day... so even tho i am on my vacation i am gonna pray a prsidential prayer up to baby jesus...

dear baby jesus... hi... you know you promised me victry in iraq... you promised no casulties... well not to get too uppity but when are you gonna start deliverin... some people are startin to lose their nerve... well i am not gonna lose my nerve we are gonna stay in iraq until it is just like texas.... no matter how many pepole get to go up to hevin... we gotta stay in there until it doesnt look like i made a mistake..... that is real important be cause if i made a mistake then you made a mistake and baby jesus cant make a mistake so i dont no what to do now... so pleas smite all the pepole who are losin there nerve and smite that lady whos campin outside my ranch.

thank you for heedin my prayers and stuff... it sure is a big job bein your right hand on earth but i am up for it as long as i get my vacations.....

bye for now.

We have turned the corner in Iraq.

hi... well today was my big meetin with my forrin policy advisers.... liek i said even tho i am on vacation i still have to go to a bunch of dam borrin meetins... ex sept i do not mind the forrin meetins so much be cause theres less numbers and stuff and more of me bein resoloot and bold.

and we were talkin about iraq... and the good news is as long as everything goes good from here on out we can start brining the troops home 12 months from now...

first the iraqis have gotta agree on a constitution... they have not yet but there is still four more days left... and we have told them they gotta do it.

and then there is a refferindum in october where the free iraqis people have to vote for their new constitution and we are gonna tell em to vote yes.

and then there is another vote in december for the new govermint under the new constitution.

and after that we can declare victory and bring the troops home as long as the inserigents dont get too bad and the new iraqi forces we are trainin get real good. and that will be next year just in time for the congress electins here in america.

and if something goes rong in all that well god gerrinteed me success in iraq and it is damn time he started deliverin, so nothin is gonna go rong and i will be rememmered as the liberater of iraq and the hole middle east too.

bye for now from craw ford.

I will create jobs for ordinary Americans.

hi... you know today i had to have a meetin with my economic advisers... even when i am on va cashin i have to have these god dam borin meetins...

you rememmer how i sined the Victory Tax Cuts to stop the terrirssts, that all income over 200,000 a year is free from taxation from now on.

Well today i am gonna announce a bold and resoloot new program to create jobs for americans... it is called the americajobs program. and what it is, we are gonna give money away to all americans who have more than ten million dollers... and we will match your money so if you have ten million we give you ten million and if you have ten billion we give you ten billion... and that will encourage people to be rich and create jobs for americans. but if you do not have ten million dollars then this will not affect you so dont follow this too close.

and i cant wait to get back to my vacation. my golf game is gettin real good.

bye for now.

I sure am enjoying my vacation.

hi... you know this is a time of great sacrifice for all americans in the war on terrorsm... and no one has sacrifised more than Me.... i cant hardly get a round of golf in between all the work i do fitin terrorsm... so that is why i erned my vacation real good and i am en joyin it and gettin some golf rounds in.

now there is this lady out here who says her son was killed over in iraq... fitin for freedom... well i dont know if she is tellin the trooth... but she wants to meet with me to tell me to bring the troops home.

well there is not gonna be a meetin.. two things first is i do not meet with anyone who does not support Me... ever... so i am not gonna meet with this lady...

second thing is she is gonna get her wish any way.... be cause we are gonna start pullin out next year... we are gonna declare fictory and start pullin out the troops no matter what... we got electins next year and we have gotta declare victory before the elections. so lady go home.

bye for now from craw ford.

We are a nation at war.

hi... you know america is a nation at war thanks to my real resoot and strong leadership... and even tho i am takin my vacation i am still leadin and being strong and resoloot... and i am keepin tabs on what is goin on with the war... just about every day i ask how the war is goin and they tell me it is goin real good... they dont need any more troops over there and we are gonna pull out troops out next spring in time for the electin because we are beatin the terrarists. and they are gonna have a democracy and they are gonna love freedom like we do and we will open cracker barrel restarants all over iraq... and i am enjoyin my vacation today i cleared brush and went fishin. and i caut a fish... bye for now.