Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I am on top of the Katrina thing now.

hi... i have heard reports of a big hurricain hitten new orlenes. and now i want you all to kno i am cuttin my vacation short two days and comin back to the white house.

now when i was enjoin my vacaton i looked at the wether channel a couple times a day to get the wether for my bike rides... and i saw there was a real big hurricain comin. and i asked if the huricane was comin into craw ford today and they said no so i went on my bike ride.

but boy it sure does look like a big mess down there now. so now i am gonna get back to work. and you no that means its a real serious situation. like this one summer i was on vacation and i got this pdb about bin laden getten a attack ready and i stayed on my vacation. because i need my vacations so i can have a real balanced life and make crisp desishons.

they say it was the levees brakin but i no the levees are real strong... i was able to move federal money from the levees to iraq... to use the money to fite for freedom.

and i am havin don rumsfeld run this whole operation... so you no it is gonna go good. bye for now.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

We will help the Iraqi people move toward a free and secure future.

hi... you know, i bet some of you people thot that when we took saddam out we were done and it was time for mishin acomplished. well if you thot that you are a dummy. be cause if there is one thing i have learned it is makin democracy is hard work. and we have to stay in there until the job is done... the very next day we will leave.

an those insurgents they are just tryin to make you think we are losin the war and i dont no what i am doin. so if you think that then you are doin what the terroristss want. and you better quit helpin the terrorists becase i will inflict you.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Loyalty is important to me.

hi... you know loyalty is a real important value to me... i have a whole bunch of people who are real loyal to me and i call it my loyalty network... and it is real good to be in my network you get high goverment jobs and stuff.

and we have some rules in my loyalty network and they are

1. no one opposes my will
2. no one ever makes a mistake speshally me
3. its someone elses fault
4. we have to stick together

and if you wanna see the loyalty network in action... after 9 11 i promoted condi and blamed the cia for everything... guess who was not in my loyalty network ha ha

if you wanna high govermnit job you have to be in my loyalty network... not like that colon powell i dont no why i made him secritary of state when he was not in my network look how that turned out... he tried to talk me outta invadin iraq so he broke rule nummer 1 just imagine if that had worked. so i replaced him with a real loyal lady. and everythin has been fine since then.

bye for now and stay loyal to your dear leader.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The Iraqi people are making heroic efforts to be free and democratic.

hi... from i da ho... you know i am real excited about the iraq constitution process. they have agreed on a real good constitution. and that is why in invaded iraq is so they can make up their own constitution in stead of someone makin em do it. i have not read it but it sounds real good. so i did not make a mistake look at the good constituion they have now in iraq, now america will be safe.

and there are some people who say iraq is gonna have a civil war... and all i have to say to that is we had a civil war too and look how good we turned out. So that is proof.

bye for now.

Monday, August 22, 2005

I am taking the fight to the enemy.

hi... you know ther is more to bein president than just havin planes and servents and stuff... i am commander in chief too. and that means i can demand your obeedeence... no one tells me no, i can invade contries and stuff and i dont even have to say why.

like when i told my generals to invade iraq... they went all pail and one of the generals was sick behind the table. but they had to go anyway and they did.

and that is the kind of bold commander i am takin the fight to the emneny.... if i did not send our troops into iraq all them insurgents woulda swum right over here and they would be attakin us in our schools and churches too. and some traitors think that would be real nice i dont.

and so we have to stay in there until the mishin is complete... and i will tell you what the mishin is... it is to make it look like i did not make a mistake when i ordrd my generals to invade iraq... and we figger after they have their new election in december is when. and then we will bring the troops home and have a lot of victry parades for their commander.

bye for now.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

My faith is important to me.

hi... since its sunday its time for me to talk about baby jesus again...

baby jesus is a god that lives in my heart and talks through my gut....

and he tells me to do stuff like invade countries and stuff and he has promissed to smite my enimies... and he has asurred me of victory over all my enemies. and i hear him real lowd when i have my whisky... i will win soles for baby jesus all over the world with the power he has given me.

and that is how i got elected all the real americans heard the baby jesus calling to them out of my gut and they just love baby jesus... and he has promised me a thousand years of powwer. and he blesses evry thing i do... all the other gods are false gods.

and that is good for america to have a god-man leading them. i shure am glad i let baby jesus in to my heart. bye for now.

Friday, August 19, 2005

America must stand united in this time of war.

hi... you know we like to have our fun down here in craw ford but we are workin on the real important problems facin america... and right now we are workin on how i am not gonna get blamed for iraq... be cause if you think i am gonna take the blame for iraq then you dont no dear leader too good...

and we had a big meetin about it yesterday after the chilli... and one good thing is the democrats voted for the war they had to be cause of the wmd... wich i blamed on the cia... and so that gives me cover for startin the war but what about losin it.

well a bunch of dems are callin to pull all the troops out... and that makes me laff be cause when we pull the troops out next year befor the mid term electin they are not gonna be able to critisise me be cause they said pull the troops out. so it is all there falt.

now a cupple of dems are demandin i come up with a victery plan to win the war and that i win it... well there are not to many of them so we all agreed we can blame losin the war on the dems. and then we will win the mid term electins and 08 too.

you see i always win. bye for now

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I enjoy being President.

Hi from cra ford again... you know it is real hard work bein president but i en joy it. i have my own planes and helicopters and stuff, and lots of servents and aids it is like bein a king but like karl tole me i have more power than any king ever had. and no one ever goes against My Will.

and my servents and stuff are around 24 hours all the time even when i go to take a dump there are like six people who go in with me... two secret servise guys and the guy with the nucular go codes and a couple of guys i dont even no what they do... and they have to stand there while i take a dump... and it is chilli night in crawford tonite... ha ha it is real fun bein president.

bye for now

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I like to have some fun when I am on vacation.

hi... you know we are working real hard down here in crawford.... keepin amrica safe for freedom and stuff... but we like to have our fun too. we like to play jokes and stuff.

and the bigest joker is my secretary of defense rumsfeld i call him rummy... anyway he is doin a real good job he is the best secretary ever... but the last couple of years he has begged me like a milyen times to let him resign and i always say no way be cause he is doin such a good job.

any way the otehr day we were gettin ready for another forin policy meetin about iraq and he begged me to let him resign again and he was begign and beggin... and i said no way... and he ran over to the curtins and he took the rope off and he started tiein the rope around his neck and he started screemin he was gonna do it and he said i was a in human monster... and i laffed and laffed. and we have jokes like that all the time down here in craw ford... helps break up the stress of a busy work day.

bye for now.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I am a bold and resolute leader.

hi from craw ford... you know i am a real bold and resoloot leader... it is somethin i learned from my businss days..

i was a real bold ceo i was a risk taker... in the oil business... i was not afrade to take big risks i like to make big bets... except you see i am real smart i never bet my own money... i bet other peples money.... so if the bet payd off i look like a genyus and if it does not pay off well then shit i just walkd away.... i did that plenny of times..... i dont think any of my big bets payd off but that did not stop me from bein real bold the next time with someone elses money.....

and now that i am dear leader and comander in chief i have a hole countrys worth of money and solders and stuff to bet with.... and i have been a real bold and resoloot president too... and i am prayin to baby jesus that my bets are gonna pay off and i will be haled as the gratest president ever.... that is how dear leader operates.

bye for now.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

My Presidential Prayer

hi... well you know it is sunday the lords day... so even tho i am on my vacation i am gonna pray a prsidential prayer up to baby jesus...

dear baby jesus... hi... you know you promised me victry in iraq... you promised no casulties... well not to get too uppity but when are you gonna start deliverin... some people are startin to lose their nerve... well i am not gonna lose my nerve we are gonna stay in iraq until it is just like texas.... no matter how many pepole get to go up to hevin... we gotta stay in there until it doesnt look like i made a mistake..... that is real important be cause if i made a mistake then you made a mistake and baby jesus cant make a mistake so i dont no what to do now... so pleas smite all the pepole who are losin there nerve and smite that lady whos campin outside my ranch.

thank you for heedin my prayers and stuff... it sure is a big job bein your right hand on earth but i am up for it as long as i get my vacations.....

bye for now.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

We have turned the corner in Iraq.

hi... well today was my big meetin with my forrin policy advisers.... liek i said even tho i am on vacation i still have to go to a bunch of dam borrin meetins... ex sept i do not mind the forrin meetins so much be cause theres less numbers and stuff and more of me bein resoloot and bold.

and we were talkin about iraq... and the good news is as long as everything goes good from here on out we can start brining the troops home 12 months from now...

first the iraqis have gotta agree on a constitution... they have not yet but there is still four more days left... and we have told them they gotta do it.

and then there is a refferindum in october where the free iraqis people have to vote for their new constitution and we are gonna tell em to vote yes.

and then there is another vote in december for the new govermint under the new constitution.

and after that we can declare victory and bring the troops home as long as the inserigents dont get too bad and the new iraqi forces we are trainin get real good. and that will be next year just in time for the congress electins here in america.

and if something goes rong in all that well god gerrinteed me success in iraq and it is damn time he started deliverin, so nothin is gonna go rong and i will be rememmered as the liberater of iraq and the hole middle east too.

bye for now from craw ford.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I will create jobs for ordinary Americans.

hi... you know today i had to have a meetin with my economic advisers... even when i am on va cashin i have to have these god dam borin meetins...

you rememmer how i sined the Victory Tax Cuts to stop the terrirssts, that all income over 200,000 a year is free from taxation from now on.

Well today i am gonna announce a bold and resoloot new program to create jobs for americans... it is called the americajobs program. and what it is, we are gonna give money away to all americans who have more than ten million dollers... and we will match your money so if you have ten million we give you ten million and if you have ten billion we give you ten billion... and that will encourage people to be rich and create jobs for americans. but if you do not have ten million dollars then this will not affect you so dont follow this too close.

and i cant wait to get back to my vacation. my golf game is gettin real good.

bye for now.

Monday, August 08, 2005

I sure am enjoying my vacation.

hi... you know this is a time of great sacrifice for all americans in the war on terrorsm... and no one has sacrifised more than Me.... i cant hardly get a round of golf in between all the work i do fitin terrorsm... so that is why i erned my vacation real good and i am en joyin it and gettin some golf rounds in.

now there is this lady out here who says her son was killed over in iraq... fitin for freedom... well i dont know if she is tellin the trooth... but she wants to meet with me to tell me to bring the troops home.

well there is not gonna be a meetin.. two things first is i do not meet with anyone who does not support Me... ever... so i am not gonna meet with this lady...

second thing is she is gonna get her wish any way.... be cause we are gonna start pullin out next year... we are gonna declare fictory and start pullin out the troops no matter what... we got electins next year and we have gotta declare victory before the elections. so lady go home.

bye for now from craw ford.

Friday, August 05, 2005

We are a nation at war.

hi... you know america is a nation at war thanks to my real resoot and strong leadership... and even tho i am takin my vacation i am still leadin and being strong and resoloot... and i am keepin tabs on what is goin on with the war... just about every day i ask how the war is goin and they tell me it is goin real good... they dont need any more troops over there and we are gonna pull out troops out next spring in time for the electin because we are beatin the terrarists. and they are gonna have a democracy and they are gonna love freedom like we do and we will open cracker barrel restarants all over iraq... and i am enjoyin my vacation today i cleared brush and went fishin. and i caut a fish... bye for now.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I work hard to save America's freedom.

hi... well it is finaly time for my well erned vacation... they are tellin me i am settin records with all the vacation i take well that is good be cause i erned it by bein the greatest president ever... i work hard and i play hard...

it is real hard making all the rite desisions all the time... and any thing that went wrong is somebody elses falt not mine. like with the wmd that was the cias fault. and sadams, he was actin like he had wmd. and when we pull out of iraq next spring it will be the iraqis fault if things go bad be cause they dont want to stand up for there own fredom.

but i will not be thinkin about that stuff be cause i am on vacation now and i dont want to be bothred with that stuff. so no more memos about bin laden about to attack the us save it for when i get back which i think is in sept... but i might not come back until oct since i am doin such a good job i deserv the extra vacation.

i will still be postin my daily thought wile i am on vacation be cause it helps me relacks afer a long hard day of bein president. and i know all you who believe in Me will be real sad if you do not here from your Dear Leader for too long. bye for now.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I will never give up fighting the Global War on Terror.

hi... you know i am real mad about this changing the global war on terror to the strugle against vilent exterminaters or what ever... this was not my idea i can tell you that.

this came from karen huge... she is this man lookin lady who is my communicatins directer... and she is real smart but she does not have what I call Dear Leader Thought... she says if this is a war then people want to know when the war is gonna be won... fdr beat japan in the time we have already taken and we still have not won the war yet... and we are fitin a few thousan towel heds not a industrial armed nation like japan was... and we are givin up on fitin in iraq next year... so when are we gonna win.

well she does not have the Dear Leader Thot. be cause war is what this is. we wer attaked on 911 and i have to be the war presidnet... what is a strugle president there is no such thing. and war is good for the republican party every one nows a democrat can not win a war. this is a fite not a struggle.

so for get the gsave thing from now on it is the Freedome Fite Always Against Real Rotten Terorists... and let the FFAARRT rain across the land. bye for now.

Monday, August 01, 2005

I will have America's troops home by Spring 2006.

hi... i have been havin meetings with my advisers about iraq... and we all agree we gotta wrap it up real soon.

we figgered it would all be over in three months tops... and that is why we did it. be cause it would be a real easy job and then we would have a frendly contry in the mid east with bases and oil and stuff. and that was a no brainer.

but now hey look it just did not go the way we thot. so we have to rap it up before the 06 elections, and it did not take karl rove to tell me that i new that my own self.

so there is gonna be a new govermint bein elected in iraq in december and then we are done we will pull out after that no matter what. and evry one will forget about iraq in time for the 06 electons and we will say we won.

and a bunch of libruls like jain fonda will say look at iraq how can you say we won and we will laff and have victry parades and say she is a librul who hates freedome. we went into iraq to give them a new govermint and they have one so that means we won the war. and that is that no one will care what is happenin over there aftr we bring our troops back. and that will be the end of iraq and it will be victory for me.

you see i always win no matter what. bye for now.