Saturday, October 29, 2005

My job is to protect the American people.

hi... you kno i am not in my basement room any more it is safe for me to come out now... i was down there yestiday and i was thinkin up ideas for america when karl came by... and he said we got away with it... that the only inditement was for libby and no one else is gonna be indicted... not even me... and i said good... be cause i was just about peein myself like i used to when i was flyin...

i sure am glad i am gonna have karl around for many more years be cause i need him to help me make real good decsishins for america... he is a real good adviser. and he is real smart too he has figgered out how we can main tain our grip on power even if the poles go down to twenny five per cent...

and the firs thing he told me was to pick a big fite with the dem o crats on the cort judge... so we are fixin to get that done real soon. things are turnin around i know it... thank you baby jesus...

bye for now.

Friday, October 28, 2005

I know how to pick people.

hi... it sure is nice an quiet down here in the basement... they hooked up my internets tonight and they are fillin up the licker cabinets... i got two down here... and a ice machine too.

now... you know i am the ceo president... and one thing they teach you in ceo school is how to pick real good people... the rite peopl for the rite jobs... and they say that A people pick A people... B peopl pick C peopl... and i pick people real good.

now i am real sad we had to withdraw the nomination... it was the documents... they were askin for them and we were not gonna give them up. be cause harriet believs in me and my theery of unlimited executive power... and part of that is i dont give anyone information... be cause information is power... and that is another thing i leraned in c e o school. peopl follow my orders be cause i am the commander and i dont have to explain every thing.

bye for now.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

There will be some changes in the White House.

hi... you no there are gonna be some changes around the white house in the next few days... some of my real good aids like karl and dick are gonna have to lye low for a while until the heet is off. and that is ok i stlil have a lot of real good peopl in my loyalty network to fill the high govermint jobs... like hariet myers she was gonna be a cort judge and then she decided to stay in the white house which is real good be cause i need her to fill the govermint jobs...

and there are gonna be more changes too... they are buildin me a speshile room in the basement... and it doesnt have windows and it has real thick walls with little slits in them so i can look out... and they are callin in the bunker... like archy bunker i sure did love that show... but dont worry i made shur that they are puttin the internets wires in there so i can post you my daily thot... bye for now.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I demand total victory in the war on terror.

hi... my job as commader and leader is to see the big pichsure... and give orders and directshins, and it is up to other people to carry out the big orders i give. and i learned that at ceo skool and i am the ceo presidnet.

like with iraq i gave my order to go turn the whole middle east into a freedom lovin democracy... and they had to go do it... now some peopl say we have to be more realistic about our goals over there and i say no my orders are for all the soldiers to stay over there until all the freedum haters are dead. and they have to follo my orders be cause i am the commander.

and we have enouf troops over there to get the job done... my commanders on the ground say they dont really need any more and it is goin real good. i was talkin to one of em the other day and he said i "really screwed the pooch" which is miltairy lingo for i did a real good job. and i will keep on screwin the pooch for many years until all the terorists are dead. bye for now.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

We all need to get on the same page.

hi... you know i have been havin meetins with my staff... about the inditements... and i figger a lot of your frends and family talkin about the inditements too... and you woudl like to have stuff to say about it. so we have wrote up a bunch of ansers to give if any one asks you about the inditements. and here they are
  1. fitz jerald is a wierd loner who is real sloppy... there are a bunch of half eaten pitzas around his desk and he puts his jim clothes in his desk and stuff... and he is outa control... and he is still single at his age so he is probibly a homo.
  2. this is just partisin revenge for us bein so successful at our agenda.
  3. this is just partisin revenge for white water.
  4. every one does it and it is just politics like we have all the time in washintin
  5. joe wilson is a lier and he is a homo too. and any one who testifys against us is a homo.
  6. every one already knew that varely flame was a cia agent... and she does not even work for the cia she is a avon lady who goes around sayin she is a cia spy and every one nows it all ready. and she is a skanky slut too.
  7. this is a war time and it is real bad to be distractin the commander in cheef with inditements and stuff when it is war time.
  8. no one has bin convicted... we need to let the process work and not pre juge what is gonna happen.... and it is all based on lies
  9. this is all old news and we need to move on to make america a better place and stuff.

there... just keep sayin all that stuff and you will be hearin it on the t v too... be cause we have sent out the faxes to keep every one on the same page with the inditements... and you will be helpin out your dear leader a lot. bye for now.

Monday, October 24, 2005

History will vindicate me.

hi again... you no i have been hearin reports that some of my desishins are bein critisiced... there is a lot of opinin goin on... about my presidensy... and some peopl are sayin i am just about the worst president ever... and that i make some bad desishins and even wen they are bad i stick to the decishins be cause i cant change my mind and do it rite...

well... i disagree. be cause i have a real bold vishin for wher i am takin america and the world... and history will prove that i am reite... and wen the midle east is a great big freedom lovin demo crasy and america is free of huricains then i will look like a goddam geniues and i will be hailed as the gratest president ever.

some people just dont have my vishin and it looks like i am makin a lot of mistaeks... but it is not a mistake it is a real bold move that will pay off someday... we just have to waite for that day it is in gods hands now... and if you keep criticisin my deshinhns then god will inflict you... so shut up and let me make my real good dishishins. bye for now.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I will not comment on the pending investigation.

hi... you no there are a lot of people right now demandin answers about what i knew... and what happened with the cia lady. well, i will not answer any questins about a pending investigation. be cause the investigation that is goin on is a real good investigation and we dont want to mess it up by me answerin questins about it... we all just have to wait for the end of the process to go on... and you people who want to mess up the process are not gonna get away with it be cause i wil not let you.

and i am too busy makin real good desishins for america to be answerin a bunch of questions about the cia lady... so leave me alone so i can make my decishins... bye for now.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I am on top of the Plame thing now.

hi... you no every one is gettin all nervice about the cia lady thing... well i am not nervise but i did have to yell at some people.... this was in 03 when it started to come out that there was gonna be a investigashin... and i was talkin to karl rove... i call him turd blossom...

any way we had desided to go after that wilson guy who was underminin the case for goin to war... and it was comin out about the cia lady and i had a talk with my staff....

now karl has bin with me a long time and he is like a four star general in my loyalty network... and i no the rule is that no one in my net work ever makes a mistake but that rule is mainly for my protek shin and i dont follow rules if i dont want to any way.

so i said to karl i said wat the hell are you doin makin the phone calls your self... you shuld have leaked it in a way it could not be traced back to you are you an idiet or somethin... and he said it was under a confideshiality and i said i dont care... and i was real mad...

but you no this is nothin to worry about... the prosecuter is just a civil servent lawyer... makes may be aity thousand a year... and a inditement is just a piece of paper he files with a cort judge... i dont care about that i am the president and that gives me powers i aint even used yet... no body is gonna resine or go to jail over this little thing you have dear leaders promise for that. we no how to deal with prosecuters who dont follow orders... and dis loyal people too.

bye for now and follow your dear leaders orders real good.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

There have been many intelligence failures lately.

hi... sorry about the no thots in a while but i have been real busy.. in a bunch of meetins about the inditements... in the cia lady case... and it really tore up my week end like the hurricain did but we have desided on a stratigy and it is a real good stratigy.

and that is we are gonna blame the whole thing on inteligence failure... it has worked for us a bunch of times be fore and got us out of worse jams than this one.

like nine elevin, tennit was tryin to warn me about the attack comin, and he warned and warned but he did not warn hard enoff. so we wer able to blame 9 11 on the cia.

and the sixteen words about the urenium in the state of the union... the cia told us to take it out and we put it back in and they did not tell us again to take it out... so we were able to blame that one on the cia. too.

and the wmd.. the cia was sayin we dont no about if there is wmd in iraq now and we said are you shur, are you shur, ar you shure until they said what we wanted... so we blamed the cia for the no wmd thing too.

so this thing with the cia lady is another inteligence failure... be cause she is just a desk jocky she is not a spy like james bond... and the cia is so screwed up they dont even no who is covert over there and who is not... so this is their falt... and that means pardons for every one and maybe metals too for exposin how scrued up the cia is...

bye for now.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I do not turn with the winds of public opinion.

hi agin... you know there has bin a lot of talk lately about poles... now we have a bunch of people in the wite house full time lookin at poles and anilizin them... and they say the poles are real bad for me and that the majority thinks i am a failure.

well i do not make my desishins based on poles... the way i make my desishins is i get briefed by my closest advisers... and it is oril breafing i do not like to read to much be cause it makes my brain sells hurt... and then i lissen to my gut... and i you are readin this then you know that my gut is where baby jesus talks to me... and then i make my desishin. and then i am done for the day after that it is all in God's hands...

and i never re con sider any of my dishishins... like when i desided to invade iraq i made my deshishin and that was that... no matter what we were gonna go in and we did.

now if the poles say i made a good deshishn that just shows how popular i am... and if they dont then that proves i am a real bold leader who does not make deshisins based on the poles... so you see i win no matter what...

bye for now and if the poles call you say you love dear leader bye

Monday, October 10, 2005

I will stay on the course I have set for America.

hi... you know lately a lot of peopl have bin sayin i should recon sider... some of the decishins i have made for america... like in iraq and with the supreem cort and stuff.

well i am not gonna reconsider anythin, dear leader doesint work that way... be cause if i recon sider one thing then were is it gonna end i will be recon siderin this and that and i need to move forward with new good desishins for america.

and it sounds a little bit like those peopl are sayin i made a mistake with my deshishins... and if you are readin this well then you know it is treasin and blasfemy at the same time to say dear leader made a mistaek...

any way i am gonna be dear leader for a real long time and you all shuld just except that i dont make mistaeks and my decishins have to be excepted because i am dear leader... and i am infalliable too. so all you recon sider ashin people just shut up.

bye for now

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My choice for the Supreme Court is Harriet Miers.

hi... you know there is a vacensy now on the supreme cort. and to fill the vacensy my choice is gonna be harriet myers. i know her real good. she is my lawyer. she is a real nice christian lady and she is way up in my loyalty net work even tho i have known her only ten years. that pishier of her up there of her and me is her handin me the pdb about bin laden. i rememmer that nite it was chilli nite.

and i have had long talks with harriet. she agrees with my ideas about executive power. and she says i am the smaratest man she has ever nown. so she is gonna make real good decishins for america.

now some people are sayin that she has no experience. well you have to have real good experience to be a cort judge and she has it. and it is real good that i am pickin some one out side of the judishle monestary be case you want some one that doesnt have a lot of opinins out there to read.

any way she will put my mark on the society for a generashin. bye for now.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Now is not the time to leave Iraq.

hi... you kno i am hearin a lot of people wan to pull us out of iraq... and that would be a mis take. be cause now is not the time to leave... and i will tell you why it is be cause we have not won the war yet. after we win the war, that is when we will leave... i will let you no when that is, it is gonna be real soon.. .but we cant say wehn yet be cause that will encorige the terrorissts.

now iraq is full of terrorissts it is wors then afganistan. and you see if we quit fitin them over there they will come over here to fite and there will be more 9/11s for sure. be cause rite now they are real scared of us and they are fitin us over there... but if we quit fitin em there they will all swim over here and fite us in our schools and churches too.

and we have to keep fitin until we defeat all the terrorsts. but we are gonna hand that job over to the iraqi army when they are ready.... and they are not ready yet but they are gettin real good... and they are gonna be ready soon.

now all the other presidents, the mistake they made was... after the first terrorss attacks like the cole and the first wtc bomb they did not make war. and that is why they attacked us on 9/11. they wer attackin us be caus we were not invadin iraq to fite them over there. see i am real smart i am the first president to realise that. bye for now.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

America enjoys the protection of the Almighty.

hi again... you no it is sunday again... the lords day so it is time for another thought about baby jesus agin...

america is a real special contry in the world be cause it is the only one speshilly protected by god almitey himself... if you are readin this then you no that baby jesus chose me to be president... i am a godly man with baby jesus in side my hart... and america will enjoy gods protecshin as long as i am president... wich is why things have gone so good for america since i have been president. but if you thro me out then god will no longer protect america and he will inflict you.

and i have been thinkin about that a lot lately be cause ther are a lot of investigashins and stuff happenin around washingin and the people might be gettin ideas about throwin me out... like with the cia lady i told the prosecuter that i didnt remember anything. but that damm colin powel was on air force one with me when we were discussin what to do about wilson... dam why did i ever hire that guy... he is not part of my loyalty network so why did i hire him. i dont remember i might have been drinkin the brake fluid then things are real hazy... but if he tolld the prosecuter about the wilson conversashins then i will inflict him good...

well any way the point is that if i get throne out then america will not have gods protectshin any more and they will be real sorry they threw me out... bye for now.