Wednesday, July 20, 2005

America enjoys warm relations with China.

hi... you remember a couple days ago when i declared war on china... well i called rummy and i asked him how the war was going... and he said they found out that china does not have nucular weapons after all so we did not need to invade... and i said ok.

but later that day as i was playin my video game i thot what if they try to get nucular weapons like saddam did... so i called up rummy and i said he has to invade china anyway and make them a democracy.

and then my fone rings and the guy on the fone says he is the dick tater of china... Hoo Flung Poo... and i said mr poo you sound like rummy and after that he started talkin in a funny chineese accent... and he said he was quitting as dick tater because he is so afraid of me... and china would be a democracy from now on.

and so there is another dick tater i took down... that shows you what my bold firm and resoloot leadership is good for in the world.

bye for now...

Saturday, July 16, 2005

I stand behind Karl Rove 100%.

hi again... well i have been gettin a lot of questions about Karl Rove and i want to set the record straight. i stand behind him 100 per sent. i know what happened i was there. and i can tell you we are not violatin the laws.

we had decided very early on that takein over iraq would be one our top forrin policy priorities. i have a lot of advisors who think it was a mistake to have left saddam in power after gulf war one, and look at all the trouble he has cost us since then.

we knew he was very week after years of sanctions. we figured we could take over the country with basicly no casualties like gulf war one. and we figured the iraqis would be so gratefl we got rid of saddam they would turn the whole contry over to us... and we would have secure oil, we would have a big friendly base in the mid east, and other good benefits like all the mid east turning democratic and that would be a big problem solved by me. so i would be the best presidnt in history i would be like fdr

i was convinsed but we could not go to war without public opinion on our side. it was all kiond of on the back burner for a while.

then we started gettin reports that a big terorrist attack was coming soon. we figured it would be like maybe the first wtc bomb or maybe okla. city. and some of my advisors thought when the attack came it would give us public support for the iraq plan. any way we did not do much about terrorism.

well any way when the attack came we were all shocked it was so big. but we sure did have our excuse to attack iraq. i wanted to get saddam rite away but there was more support for goin after bin laden so we invaded afganistan

and after afganistan, where we beat the taliban faster than anyone thoght we would we were feelin pretty good and we figure this is our chance to change history. but first we had to get public support.

we all put our heads together and we formed what we called the Whitehouse I\raq Group i called it the wig. and those are some of the members up there in the picture.

we had our wig meetings and we figured if people were werried saddam was beind 9 11 and was going to attack us again with wmd then the public would support the war. so that was gonna be the story. and we all went out to push the story.

and we also went to the intelligence agencies to see what the threat was from saddam and it was not real good, we had no new info since 91, there was really nothing there. so we had to use the info we had to make the war case.

and we had to make it look like saddam had a nuke program that was the big thing. because without that we did not get the public support. so when those forgd documents about niger came out it was a chance. be cause why else would saddam be gettin uraneoum he is making a bomb.

well cheny wanted better info on this he said may be there is a smoking gun it would help the case imensely. so the cia sent wilson on his trip. now they new better than to send up his report to us be cause we were only innerested in the stuff that suported the policy, if it did not suport the policy then just shit can it.

so i said in the state of teh union that saddam was getting uraneoum from africa.

and then that wilson asshole goes out and rites in the paper about his visit. and that is makin us look like we dont know what we are talkin about. its endangerin the war policy.

so the wig got together and we said we have to take care of this guy wilson. what do we have on him. and this memo came up from the state dept about wilsons trip and how his wife worked for the cia and helped set up his trip. so karl said this is good it sounds like he is a dummy who got the job be cause he knew some body and a pussy too.

so karl said lets all go out and every chance we get tell reporters that wilsons wife works for the cia and set up his trip so dont listen to that pussy. and that is what they did.

but we did not know she was covert we swear. it just said imployee in the report. it was just a onest mistake and that is gods honest truth i swear on a stack of bibles. so you can see we have not comitted any crimes.

bye for now....

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Friday, July 15, 2005

I will act against threats before they can harm America.

hi again.... you know in this 9 11 world America can not stand still wile gathering threats gather and threaten america. And i will always act to remve the threats before they occur,

So anyway i heard to day that china has threatend to attack america with nucular weapons. which are the worst kind.

so in my duties as commander i have ordered our armed forces to invade china and replace there dick tator with a democracy. That there is a picture of me calling rumsfeld and orderin him to invade china.

bye for now.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

We are making real good progress.

note by grytpype: Dear Leader's birthday thought apparently went through a wormhole or something on its way to publication, since it is dated in the future.

Dated: July 6, 2008

hi... if you are readin this on the internets it is a sign of all the progress we have been making over the last few months... the emergency powers proclamation is doin it's job and we are making more progress now... most of the country has electricity and kolera is down 25%.

now i have been urging congress to ratify the new constitutional amendments.... china says they are givin us another 30 days to come up with the money which is real nice of them... but if we do not seceede oregon to china there is no way we will come up with the money... so congres better get back to washingtn dc that is and get this thing ratified... i am ordering the airport reopened so the congressmn can get back and vote.

and it will be good to give ore. to china so we wont have to change the flag since we added iraq as the 51 state. if we get rid of a state real fast we will still have fifty and everybody likes the flag the way it is. and things are goin real good over there in iraq too, we are beatin the insurgency.

and i have a real good plan to fix the unemployment too and china is helpin me with that. and i will do an emergency proclamation on that real soon, and everyone is gonna need steel toed boots and two pairs of real good work overals, so get down to your walmart and get them, cause you will need em.

anyway today is my birthday so i am doublin the gas ration for all people whose birthday is today. and you will need i d so bring it to the station.

oh and the election is cancelled be cause of the emergincy.

bye for now,

Monday, July 04, 2005

I am filled with humility this day.

hi... well it is the forth of july and so it is a time to hang out your flag to show you support the troops over there in iraq who are fitin for freedom.

and it is time for a real special daily thought from your dear leader... because it is the forth this is a good time to talk about patiotism... but i talk about patriotism all the time so i am going to talk about why i am the greatest president ever.

now there hav been a lot of presidents in american histery and i was a histery major at yale so i know a lot about it...

Now i would say i am a better president than this guy:

here is something he said:

"In reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors. Whatever they may be, I fervently beseech the Almighty to avert or mitigate the evils to which they may tend." Washington's Farewell Address 1796

now no way is he a good president because a good president is bold and resolut and does not make any mistakes, like me. you are not gonna hear me say anything like that.

and this guy was president too

"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government." Letter to Alexander von Humboldt December 6, 1813

now this is just treson against jesus we have lots of preachers in this country and look how free we are. how did that guy get to be president. and then there was this guy

he agreed to a treaty that said this stuff about baby jesus:

"As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion,-as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen, and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries." Treaty of Peace and Friendship, Signed at Tripoli November 4, 1796

now everyone knows that america is the country of jesus and the president has to love jesus real hard like i do and that we are at war with them. so this guy did not lern the lessons of september 11 like i did.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand." Speech upon accepting nomination as candidate for president, June 1858

well that guy does not know how to be a good president, i am president of 50% of the country... because bein the 50% president give us 100% of the power... karl told me if my approval ratings are above 50% i am not pushin hard enough and doin enough for my base... the haves and the have mores, and the real americans in the south who love jesus.... i do not care what new york and californa think i am not there presidnet...

this guy won a war but it was a real easy war because he was done in like two ore three years and i am just gettin started with my war so i am a better president. and he set up the social security that is causin us so many problems right now. and he said this too:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." First Inaugural Address

well he is not a good president then because fear is real important to unify the country behind my agenda... he is another dummy who did not lear n the lessons of 911.

well that is enough proof, and if you are readin this yo already know i am the best president ever. so good by for now.