Dear Leader has a special guest blogger today.
Hi, Karl Rove here. When Dear Leader asked me to "guest blog" for him because he was busy with a new video game, I had no damned idea what he was talking about. I had to ask my son, who is pretty good with computers.
Anyway when I saw this thing I hit the ceiling. Apparently he's been "blogging" since Spring of '05. Nobody in OPOTUS had a clue he was doing it. After all the time we spend training him to stay on message, he was saying anything he wanted... the drinking, internal White House conversations, it's all on here. I was ready to spring into full-on disaster mode when I checked the stats, and it turns out nobody reads this thing.
Which is good because we really don't need an eruption of bad news right now. We do a great job keeping him sheltered from things that might upset him, but it's starting to get through that he really screwed the pooch on Iraq. Just the other day he was asking me if Baby Jesus was still going to let him into Heaven, and of course I told him it was all right, but it's really starting to become a problem politcally. According to our internal polling the only demo that still believes in Dear Leader is white evangelicals who live in manufactured housing. Which is fine, we can maintain our grip on power with just those people. We'll just do what we always do, which is smear the Democrats as weak faggots who can't be trusted to keep us safe. And we'll threaten more terrorists attacks if the Dems win.
Well, anyway, that's my "guest blog." I guess it's a good outlet for him, we'll let him keep doing it.
P.S. We have been assuming Dear Leader operates on a ninth-grade level, but I think we're going to have to dial it down a bit more.