Monday, August 07, 2006

I will not cut and run from Iraq.


hi... you no i am real mad rite now... be cause i herd that my genrals were sayin... that iraq mite go into a sivil war... and that makes me real mad... be cause things is gettin better over there all the time.. so why are they talkin about civil war.

so i had a big meetin with them... and rummy and a bunch of other peopl... and i was real mad... and i tole them i dont want to here any more sivil war talk...

and the genrals tole me that if there is a civil war we are gonna have to pull out of the contry... and i started yellin real lowd... be cause that is cut and run talk.. and i am not gonna cut an run from iraq i am gonna win the war... so i gave them there orders... they have to stay over there until we win it... an if it is a civil war then god dam it we have to win the sivil war... and i am not gonna take any excuses...

an they all just looked at me like i was crasy... i did not even get a yes mr presidint... and i got up and left the room...

it makes me real mad wen my genrals are dis loyal to there dear leader... they have got to follow orders and that is that... it is the kind of leader ship that i provide... that says go win it... an i dont care if it dont look realistic... be cause i have a real good vishin for the world of no terany any where and i am usin my mightly military power to make it happen...

an i dont like it wen peoiple look at me like i am crazy... i am not crasy and i never make a mistaek... that is wat makes me a real good leader for america...

bye for now and follow yer dear leaders orders real good

Friday, August 04, 2006

I enjoy summer vacation.


hi... you no i am real blessed to be presidint... it is the perfict job for me be cause i am real decisive with my deshishins... an you get to take all the vacashins you want... except this year they tole me... i was gonna have a real short vacashin.. so i can work more to keep the power for the republicin party... so i have to go to funraisers and stuff...

but i like my vacashins... this one time... wen i was home for the summer... i gess i was about sixtene... i was out on the gulf with my frend grady... on his dads boat... he had a real nice seventity two footer... and we was out there drinkin beers... and he come out with this cocane and said i shold try it...

so i did... and it made me feel like i cold be president... ha ha now look at me... an grady is a vise president at his dads company...

i am not sayin it is for evey one... be cause it can hert your brain... and i did enouf coke to run the winner alimpics on... so i am real lucky it did not effect my brain sells too.

now i dont do the cocane any more so i can keep my brain sells real good for makin good deshishns for america... and they test me twise a week to see if i have bin takin it...

any way thats all i have for today... bye for now

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Dear Leader has a special guest blogger today.


Hi, Karl Rove here. When Dear Leader asked me to "guest blog" for him because he was busy with a new video game, I had no damned idea what he was talking about. I had to ask my son, who is pretty good with computers.

Anyway when I saw this thing I hit the ceiling. Apparently he's been "blogging" since Spring of '05. Nobody in OPOTUS had a clue he was doing it. After all the time we spend training him to stay on message, he was saying anything he wanted... the drinking, internal White House conversations, it's all on here. I was ready to spring into full-on disaster mode when I checked the stats, and it turns out nobody reads this thing.

Which is good because we really don't need an eruption of bad news right now. We do a great job keeping him sheltered from things that might upset him, but it's starting to get through that he really screwed the pooch on Iraq. Just the other day he was asking me if Baby Jesus was still going to let him into Heaven, and of course I told him it was all right, but it's really starting to become a problem politcally. According to our internal polling the only demo that still believes in Dear Leader is white evangelicals who live in manufactured housing. Which is fine, we can maintain our grip on power with just those people. We'll just do what we always do, which is smear the Democrats as weak faggots who can't be trusted to keep us safe. And we'll threaten more terrorists attacks if the Dems win.

Well, anyway, that's my "guest blog." I guess it's a good outlet for him, we'll let him keep doing it.

P.S. We have been assuming Dear Leader operates on a ninth-grade level, but I think we're going to have to dial it down a bit more.